Endings and New Beginnings
by xrightwhereitbelongs
Summary: It's been three years since Edward left, Bella has a new life now but when Edward suddenly and unexpectedly returns, life becomes much more complicated and dangerous. Will Edward be able to keep her safe this time? Summary sucks. Please R&R.
1. Prologue

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**1. Prologue**

_It will be as if I'd never existed._

I lay for hours, my mind too numb to think. My eyes were too blurred for me to see, my ears could not pick up any tiny hint of sound. It was as if I were underwater, deep, deep underwater, too far down to resurface. The oxygen I had taken before being pulled down by the current was too little to save me and I did not wish it to be. I was so still, hardly even blinking. My warm skin could feel the cool, smooth wooden floor as I lay motionless, still, too still. My arm did not twitch, I did not move to reposition myself… comfort didn't seem necessary anymore. Nothing seemed necessary anymore.

I longed for unconsciousness to save me from this feeling… this utter desolation. I knew I was in shock, I was rational enough to know that soon the numbness would fade and pain would instead wrack my frail body until it tore me apart. I blinked once, the wetness in my eyes spilling over now, I felt the salty tang as it slipped down my face resting carefully on my lips. The first shaky breath wasn't so painful, it stung my lungs as if I hadn't took a breath in years rather than seconds, but it was a dull pain, a pain that had not been fully realised by my stunned mind. The second breath did not sting, it burned and the swell of tears finally unleashed themselves on me. My heart began to ache as the realisation fully dawned on me.

Edward was gone. I flinched unconsciously at his name, instead of the warm pleasantness it had once brought with it, now there was only unbearably agony. My stomach was filled with knots, twisting relentlessly as my breathing became erratic, uncontrollable. I would not live through this, it could not be possible for any human to feel such… such undeniable, unequivocal, absolute anguish… torture. He wasn't going to come back, that he had promised. The rejection bruised every part of my tender flesh, knocking the breath from me as though I had been punched, hard, in the gut. This was not the most excruciating part of all of this, no, what hurt the most was knowing I would never lay eyes on his beautiful face again. That I could no longer stare into his liquid topaz eyes. That I would never again feel his cold, hard fingers brush softly across my face… The pain at these revelations was too great to bear, my mind could no longer stand the burning aguish consuming it, and so my earlier wish was granted. Unconsciousness embraced me in its dark arms, bringing me no peace.

_His breath smelt so sweet as he leaned in close to my face, his eyes smouldering with the desire I knew was mirrored in my own chocolate brown ones. His cold fingers ghosted over my warm cheek, a small smile creeping onto the edge of his lips, he was amused, probably by my body's reaction._

_I leaned eagerly into his cool touch, my lips parting slightly as I stared, dazzled into his eyes. My heart sped twice its normal pulse, my breathing quick to match this new erratic pace._

_"Bella," he sighed. "I…"_

_I watched confused as anguish marred his flawless face as he fought an inward battle with himself._

_"Yes?" I was eager to learn his thoughts, the thoughts that were causing him pain._

_"It's nothing." Edward whispered softly, his eyes told me another story._

_"Okay." I nodded slightly then, deciding to drop it._

_His strong arms wrapped carefully around my waist, his face coming down slowly to rest in my hair. I heard him take a deep breath, knowing being this close to me, smelling me like this… it must be hurting him._

_"I love you," I breathed almost inaudible. "Forever." I let my eyes slip closed, feeling safe and content in his arms._

_When I opened them again Edward was nowhere to be seen. I was standing alone in our meadow. It was twilight, the very last of the suns rays slowly disappearing under the horizon. A cold breeze sent shivers down my exposed arms, I hugged myself tightly, trying to keep the heat in my body just a little bit longer. My lips quivered as I stared around myself. There was an eerie silence I had never before experienced, shouldn't I be hearing the sound of the nearby river? I wiggled my toes realising I was barefoot for the first time._

_"Edward?" I called out to him. Where had he gone?_

_Suddenly I felt two black eyes on my back, I whirled around quickly almost loosing my balance. I could see him now, standing just beyond the trees watching me with a dead calm._

_"What are you doing?"_

_He did not answer and panic began to flood my system. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. Why was he watching me from within the trees with that strange expression on his face? I couldn't understand it._

_Then he turned his back to me slowly, deliberately, his eyes still locked with mine. He smiled then, not the soft gentle one I had grown accustomed to, not even one of humour. No, it was sick, twisted, wrong. Surly this couldn't be Edward._

_"Edward?" I called after him again. He was running now and so was I._

_"Wait," I screamed, trying desperately to keep up. "Don't leave me here!"_

_It was too late, he was miles ahead of me now, running effortlessly, faster than any other creature on the planet. Where had he gone? Darkness had already descended and I was startled at just how dark it was. No moonlight was permitted to penetrate the thick tree's which surrounded me, closing me in, trapping me. All too quickly, the panic and fear stopped me in my tracks. I was rooted to the spot, to afraid to even breathe. My lungs protested but to no avail. I was suffocating and I could do nothing to stop it…_

I woke panting, my skin slick with sweat, tangled in a mess of sheets. I blinked back the tears the agony of what had just happened tearing me to pieces, it had only been a dream, I knew that but what had happened before the dream had been real. The pain multiplied sevenfold instantly. It took me a moment to realise Charlie was standing over me now, an expression of pain and worry deeply etched into his face.

"Bella honey, it was just a nightmare." He soothed, stroking my hair.

"No," I shook my head, fresh tears spilling down my cheeks. "He left me." My voice cracked and broke, my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces that could never be put back together again.

"Bella…" His voice was thick with anguish, Charlie never had been good at the emotional stuff.

"He left me…" The sobs escaped from me before I had a chance to hold them back. I shook violently, it felt like every bone in my body were about to break.

"Shh, Bella… it's going to be okay." Charlie didn't hesitate to take me into his arms, holding me tightly almost as if he were too afraid to let go.

I appreciated this, I knew it was hard for him to show how he was feeling, I was the same but this kind of pain… I couldn't hide the desolation it brought me.

It felt like I had sobbed for an eternity, surly it wasn't possible for me to shed any more tears? The pain did not get any better as the hours passed, it had begun to get much worse. I felt so alone, so empty. He was gone and I was left all alone, without him. He didn't want me. A fresh wave of agony swept over me as I let the thought occur to me. Edward had always been far too good for me, how could he even see me within the beauty that surrounded him? He didn't. He didn't see me at all. Where was he now? Had be already found someone more worthy of his love? This thought tore me apart, I could almost hear the rip as everything inside me came away. Just thinking hurt me beyond repair… but how could I not think?

It was dark now, the sobbing had stopped, my eyes closed, unable to resist the heavy pressure forcing them down. Charlie had left a sandwich and a glass of water on the bedside table, he was probably sleeping by now. I could not. I wouldn't allow myself to see his face in my dream, to feel him hold me, just to have it torn from my grasp. I wasn't strong enough to survive this… I wish I had died in the forest. I wish I hadn't been born. I wish Edward Cullen was here in my room holding me as the fresh sobs began to take their hold on me.

I was barely aware of the sun rising, bringing a new day with it. I hardly even noticed when Charlie removed the untouched sandwich replacing it was some toast and butter. My face and pillow were wet with the salty tears that refused to stay at bay, my eyes stung horribly from the excessive crying and from the sleep I deprived them of. Mostly I think they stung from not seeing his face. From not being able to stare wistfully into his ever changing eyes. The hole inside me grew so wide I thought it would swallow me whole… I wanted it to.

The week's passed, day turning to night and then back again without so much as a glance from me. I did not care about time. I didn't care about food or water or air. The only thing I could bring myself to care about was the one person who could not bring himself to care about me, who didn't want me. Again, the pain washed over me stronger than ever before. It was getting worse…

He knocked softly before coming in, his eyes conveying the desperateness he was feeling. He glanced quickly at the barely touched pasta he had left me hours earlier, in any other circumstances I would have been proud of him for his cooking abilities. I watched vaguely as he weighed his words carefully.

"Bella, sweetheart… I know this is hard for you but… this is hard for me too. I can't bear to see you like this anymore," His voice broke then and I felt a wave of guilt at how much I was hurting him. "Please, try to get through this, for me."

His words triggered something deep within me then. Probably what little humanity I had left in me after the weeks of pain and anguish took their toll erasing everything I was. I felt like I had nothing left, didn't know if I had it in me to try for Charlie, for Renée, but the look on his face told me I had to try. Just to try.

I nodded then, trying and failing to smile for my father.

"I'll try dad. I promise."

This seemed to ease some of the weight from his shoulders. He leaned down to kiss my forehead. His eyes brightening a little.

"That's all I ask."

Later that night when Charlie was sound in bed and I tried desperately to hold the pain at bay I knew what I had to do. If I really wanted to try, I had to keep the pain away, as much as possible. My life was over, a life without Edward was not a life at all. He had come into my life, had shown me what happiness was and when he had left he took every single part of me with him. I had nothing but this shell left. I couldn't promise Charlie I would try to live, because living was no longer possible. I would try to exist for him, to muddle through things, act normally so as not to upset him but only to exist. It was all I was capable of now, all I had to give.


	2. Three Years Later

**2. Three Years Later**

_Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even for me. _

My eyes snapped open, I was wide-awake. It was still dark, soft moonlight filtered in from the window casting a silver sheen around the room. I glanced at the clock on the bedside table, it was four in the morning. What had awoken me so suddenly?

I slowly removed myself from the warm bed to make my way over to the window. It was deserted outside apart from a few lonely cars driving passed. I decided there would be no point in me attempting to sleep again tonight. I felt as though I had drunk around ten cups of coffee. A soft breeze blew in from the slightly open window, cooling my face. I smiled to myself, oh how I loved this city. It was so different from Phoenix or Forks. For the first time in my life I felt at home, as if I belonged here.

I decided while I was awake I might as well do something useful, I had a paper due next Wednesday and it still needed a lot of work. The computer screen flickered in to life and quickly loaded the desktop. I smiled again, glad I had invested in this brilliant machine. If I had even attempted to do my coursework on the computer at Charlie's… well lets just say I would have thrown it out the window due to frustration a long time ago. I brought my email up immediately to find a message from Renée. It had been so long since I had seen my mother. She was so busy with the baby and I was always so focused on college and work. I barely had time to see Charlie and he wasn't exactly far.

Sighing, I wrote her a reply being sure to answer all her questions and ask how Phil and baby Rose were doing. They had settled down in Jacksonville, Rose had surprised them both and was born one year and four months ago. During that time I had seen my baby sister exactly five times. I felt bad about this but my life wasn't with Renée anymore. It wasn't even with Charlie, I had pretty much become an independent person overnight. Moving to Seattle, enrolling in college and getting a job, I even had my own place. I was twenty-one years old, I didn't need my parents to look after me.

18th century literature was one of my favourite classes, it was probably one of the most time consuming classes too. My room was scattered with dozens of heavy bound books, Samuel Johnston, Jane Austen, Benjamin Franklin… you name it, I had it. The particular paper I was working on was about the life and works of Elizabeth Ashbridge. I was fascinated by her, which made it much easier to write about her. I could loose track of time when I wrote, it took my mind off everything around me. I looked up after I had finished the second draft. _Darn. _It was almost eight and I still needed to shower, if I didn't hurry I would be late.

"Hey, Bella." Maria, my long-suffering friend greeted me as I took the seat next to her.

I had just made it, almost causing fourteen traffic accidents on the way here. I had met Maria two years ago. She was _nothing _like me. Bold, outgoing and ever so slightly crazy. Maria was always trying to persuading me to lighten up a little, to stop focusing so hard on work and studying and have fun, so far she was loosing.

"Hey." I smiled, pulling out my books.

"You're coming tonight right?" She glared at me as I bit my lip. "Bella! You have to come!" She put her hands together and pouted. "Please?"

"I don't know…" I still hadn't finished my paper and I didn't know if I was up for a crazy college party tonight.

"You have to come." Someone else joined in.

I looked up to see Shawn Patterson standing over me with a mischievous grin. Shawn was tall, dark and handsome but he was a jerk. He had been trying to get me to go out with him for months now, I wasn't falling for it. He had slept with around half the girls in this room, Maria included.

"Yeah Bella, you have to. Tonight is the party of the centaury, you can't miss it."

I bit my lip unconsciously, playing with a strand of my hair. She was probably right, if ever I were to go to a party, this would be the one. I was debating whether to go or not when John, the lecturer walked in silencing the room instantly.

The rest of the day pretty much went the same, Maria would give me all sorts of reason to go then at lunch she got on her knees and begged in the middle of the street, how could I say no to that?

"Fine, Maria please get up, I'll go."

"Yay!" She stood up embracing me in a tight hug. "I love you, I love you, I love you!"

"Yeah, I know." I grinned. I don't know what there was to think about. I needed to relax. Tonight would be fun.

It was ten o'clock. I grinned and waved as I spotted Maria at the door. I had spent almost thirty minutes deciding what to wear. I had two options. Play it safe by wearing jeans and a shirt or I could be a little bit more adventurous and dig out the pair of black leather pants Maria had bought me almost six months ago. Since I was making an effort tonight I decided on the later, it would be a waste not to get some kind of usage from them. I felt slightly ridiculous wearing leather pants, boots and a black camisole top but it was a party, everyone would be too drunk to remember. Maria looked stunning she was wearing the _shortest_ dress I had ever seen, but she looked great. I envied Maria sometimes. She was so perfect and could get away with things I would never dream of even trying, for example, that dress.

"Hey you, you look great." She hugged me quickly before pulling me inside.

The heat hit me as soon as we got in, the music was deafening and the place was pretty much packed. She wasn't kidding when she said this was the party of the century, it looked like everyone was here, there was hardly space to move. Maria dragged me over to the bar, ordering us both a drink.

"I want you so drunk you can't remember your name." She winked, nudging me gently. Maria was a party animal, I never understood it. I guess it was her way of coping.

There were very few times in my life I had been drunk, I didn't see what all the fuss was about but getting intoxicated was probably her favourite past time… apart from sex of course.

"By the way, Bella, those pants look hot!"

I smiled sheepishly feeling the blood creep to the surface of my cheeks. I was totally out of my element here but you only live once right? I spent so much time studying and working, trying my best to keep on going, keep busy so as not to stop and think and all the while I was missing out on life… not really living. You could say I was going through the motions. I worked so I could eat and I studied to get a better job so I had more money to eat. It all seemed rather pointless.

"Thanks." She handed me my drink, I didn't have a clue what it was and I doubt she would tell me if I asked. It was probably best if I didn't know anyway, ignorance is bliss as they say.

I swallowed the drink quickly, coughing as the alcohol stung the back of my throat. Maria laughed finishing her drink in three big gulps.

"I'll get you another, go dance." She turned back to the bar pointing me towards some of our friends on the dance floor.

I recognised Shawn grinding against some poor unsuspecting girl as well as a couple people from my 18th century literature class. I waved awkwardly as I tried to squeeze my way through the crowd. Dancing had never been my strong point. I had no coordination at all, walking in a straight line was difficult enough.

"Bella! You came." A tall blonde girl hugged me tightly as I got to her.

"Hey Megan, yeah, Maria persuaded me." I grinned, hugging her back.

"Well I'm glad, how awesome is this!"

From the sound of her voice she was already drunk, just then Maria appeared with a plastic cup similar to the first. I wrinkled my nose as I put it to my lips, you would think working in a bar for a year would make me used to alcohol by now.

The night mostly consisted of Maria forcing drinks on me in between making out with any guy she could get her hands on. I was more than tipsy by now, my head was light and it felt as though I were floating. It was a strange feeling but I liked it.

"I'm gonna get another, d'you want one?" My words slurred together as I spoke them.

Maria shook her head so I headed off to the bar, swaying slightly to the music when I got there. The bar was packed by now and as I waited, Shawn came to stand beside me.

"What are you having?" He asked, putting his hand on my arm, if I hadn't been drinking tonight that would have bothered me but as it was, I didn't mind.

"Surprise me." I smiled biting my lip unconsciously.

"Sure, hold on a sec."

He walked to a less busy part of the bar leaning over to talk to the guy serving. I turned back to the dance floor watching as Maria danced with someone named Josh she had met all of ten minutes ago but had already planned to sleep with him. I didn't understand it but that was Maria, just when you thought you had her figured out…

"Here you go." Shawn was back with my drink.

He handed it to me, tapping his own against mine before we both gulped the contents down quickly.

"Thanks, I think that should be my last." I was starting to get dizzy now, not such a great feeling.

"If you're sure, you're missing out though." He grinned cheekily at me. "Want to dance?"

I shook my head, which only made me feel worse. That last drink had really gone to my head.

"No thanks Shawn, maybe later." I didn't plan for there to be a later, I'd go to the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face, hopefully that would make me feel better then I'd tell Maria I was leaving.

"Okay, later then." He smiled, disappearing into the crowd.

I blinked as the scene around me almost started to swirl before my eyes. The music was just a dull thud in the background now as my heartbeat began to thump rapidly in my ears. My legs felt like jelly as I stumbled towards the bathroom. It was quieter down here, there was no one in the corridor that led to the ladies room. I blinked again trying to clear my vision. I really shouldn't have had that last drink. Suddenly the room starting spinning violently, my stomach lurched forcing me to hang onto the wall to stop myself from falling. I closed my eyes, trying desperately to find my bearings, this however only seemed to make me feel worse. I snapped my eyes open, gasping in shock as I saw a face only inches from mine. Shawn had his arms positioned either side of me, pinning me in place.

"Isabella…" He whispered my name softly into my ear, I flinched.

"Shawn? What are you doing?" I was so disorientated, what was going on?

"Shh…" He leaned forward placing his lips on mine.

My mind seemed to freeze, I stopped breathing. It seemed like everything was going in slow motion, it felt like I was standing there for an eternity with his lips touching mine. Finally my brain kick started, I pushed weakly on his stomach.

"No, wharyoudoin?" My words jumbled together, barely making sense.

He didn't pay any attention, grabbing my wrists roughly, pinning them to the wall. Again, his lips connected with mine, I strained against his grip desperately trying to break free. His tongue forced its way into my mouth, his warm breath mingling with my own. I was beginning to panic. Finally he broke off, giving me enough time to gasp in some air.

"Shawn, stop…" I tried to scream the words, instead all I got was a tiny whisper. "No, Stop…" This time louder, the panic and fear thick in my voice. I struggled as hard as I possible could, my wrists began to hurt as his grip tightened, no doubt that would leave bruises. It was no good, the room seemed to be spinning faster and faster, I couldn't even stand let alone fight Shawn off. His lips crashed into mine with so much force I felt the warm pool of blood begin to seep from my split lip, he deepened the kiss, forcing my head back against the wall, I could taste the metallic tang of blood in my mouth. My stomach lurched, my legs all but gave out from under me. His tongue probed my mouth, demanding I return the kiss but I would not. If he was going to do this all I could do was tune it out. I started to count slowly in my head. My lack of response seemed to annoy him. One of his hands released my wrist and immediately I tried to push him away, my arm felt like concrete, just trying to hold it up took all my energy and after a few seconds I let it fall limply at my side. Shawn's free hand was now running down my chest, to my hip, to the front of my pants. My heart might have stopped then, the panic boiled up almost drowning me. I knew what was coming, if I didn't stop him.

"Please, don't…" I sobbed pathetically resuming my previous attempt to push him away.

"Shut up." His voice was harsh and loud, his hand groping at me.

I swallowed another sob, tears began to pool in my eyes. I knew he wasn't going to stop. Why did I have to come here tonight, how stupid of me, why was he doing this to me?

Shawn bit my neck savagely, forcing me to cry out softly in pain. Inside I was screaming, kicking and fighting my way out of this but reality was far from that.

His fingers fumbled with the zip on my pants, a fresh wave of dread consumed me. I squeezed my eyes shut determined to block this out. I was good at that, forgetting bad stuff. All I had to do was ignore this, right? I felt the tears spill onto my cheek as his hand found his way inside my pants, his breathing hitched as his fingers found the warmth inside.

What happened next was a blur to me. Shawn released me, without him holding me up anymore I collapsed onto the floor. My eyes opened in time to see a fist connect with his face. He was thrown by the force, as he hit the floor his body slid a few feet down the corridor when he came to a stop it was evident the blow had knocked him unconscious. I let out a sob my entire body trembling as fresh tears spilled down my face. I blinked them back, looking to the figure who had just saved me. My heart must have stopped then as the familiar face looked down on me, his black eyes full of concern and hatred. A million memories flooded into my mind forcing me to relive my past. For the past three years I had done everything in my power to forget him, had tried desperately to get on with my life. Pain ripped through my body, my heart shattered into a billion tiny pieces.

"Edward…?" I was startled at the voice that came from me. It wasn't my voice at all, it was the voice of a broken eighteen year old who had died three years ago.

I saw his face soften immediately, felt his cold arms lift me from the floor and then everything went dark.


	3. Memories and Pain

**3. Memories and Pain**

I was awake, conscious but my eyes refused to open. My mind was surrounded with fog my body weighed down, my limbs so heavy. Was it morning or night? I groaned stretching out, my muscles ached. My mouth felt so dry, the thirst I felt was unbearable. I took a long deep breath revelling in the relief it bought me. My eyes screwed together as I realised the sharp pain in my head. I grumbled pulling the blankets closer to myself, sighing as I stretched out once more. The fog was beginning to clear now and with it my body began to stiffen and my heart began to race. _Edward_. Had I been dreaming? Had Edward just appeared from nowhere? I took a sharp breath, my throat tightening. I could feel the tears begin to pool under my eyelids, could feel a dull ache begin to consume my body. My eyes fluttered open slowly, it was very dark and at first, it was as though I were blind. Then slowly things began to become clearer, that's when I saw him, my heart pounded erratically in my chest. He was standing with his back to me in front of the window. I swallowed thickly as the pain began to grow, how could he be here after all this time? I quickly wiped away the tears from my face, gasping at the sharp burn in my wrist. He turned then, a look of shock on his face. He looked the exact same as the last time I'd saw him. As soon as I let, the memory cross my mind I knew there was no going back. Three years ago, I had given up on life, I had given up on love and happiness and myself. I had locked the pain away trading it instead for emptiness and peace. I no longer had that peace. I remembered in agonising detail every single tear I had spilt when he had left me, every single sob that had escaped my lips. The pain was too much for me and I sobbed desperately. Pain washed over his face and in an instant, he was beside me.

"Bella?"

His voice, oh god his voice. Another sob wracked through me and the tears began to flow. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch him. Confirm to myself that he was real that he wasn't just a fiction on my traumatised mind. I bit my lip hard, crying out as the previous split reopened and fresh blood seeped onto my lip staining it crimson. I saw his fists ball tightly at his sides then he took two steps back, he was holding his breath. This only forced another sob through my lips and then the anger set in. I felt so disgusted with myself. I had buried this three years ago. I had gotten rid of this pain and moved on so why was I crying like a stupid teenager? I threw the covers aside, rising from the bed so quickly it made my head spin. I took a shaky step forward heading for the bathroom. I couldn't do this, I couldn't deal with these emotions. I ran inside throwing the door closed behind me, I slid the lock into place then collapsed on the floor. I let the sobs shake my body, let the tears blind me as I cried so hard I thought I would die. Everything hit me. All the pain I had repressed crashed down on me, crushing me.

"Bella, please…" Edwards beautiful voice was laced with the agony I was feeling.

I managed to slow the sobs, pressing my lips together to silence myself then I focused on steadying my breathing. I rested my head on the door waiting for him to say something else, wanting desperately to hear his voice one more time. It sounded better than I remembered.

"I'm sorry. Please…" I could hear the pain in his voice and it was bringing me pain. "Bella, please open the door."

I sucked in a deep breath mentally preparing myself for this, for seeing him again, for remembering. I slowly slid the lock back, my hand resting on the doorknob yet I could not bring myself to open it, to face him.

"Edward?" The same broken eighteen year old was using my voice again. The word felt so foreign on my lips. I remember I time when it had felt so natural to me, when just hearing his name would make me smile.

"Yes, Bella, I'm here…"

I hesitated fighting a silent battle in my mind. My hand tightened on the doorknob. He was standing right outside and it terrified me. I opened the door slowly, stopping in the doorway not daring to take one more step towards him. He looked so beautiful in the moonlight. My heart ached. I swallowed, trying to clear my head so I could think clearly. The uncontrollable desire to go to him, to throw myself into his arms it was unbearable but I couldn't do that. I remembered clearly, what he had said to me. _You're not good for me, Bella._

"Why are you here?" There, my voice was back but the harshness of it made me wince.

"Because, you needed me."

His words ripped through me. Oh how I needed him. How I had always needed him, always. Yet the words also stirred up anger inside of me.

"I haven't needed you in a very long time, Edward." _LIES!_

His face conveyed no emotion, his eyes just stared into mine and I felt as though my legs would give out.

"Tonight was different." His voice void of emotion.

The memories of tonight came flooding back and the room began to spin. My hand went up to touch my neck, I hissed as my fingers connected with the bruised skin Shawn had bit earlier. Edward took a step forward then. My forehead furrowed as I tried to recall how I had ended up here then I remembered. His hand… in my pants. I could feel the colour drain from my face and again the room began to spin. I felt myself falling, my legs finally giving in. Edward caught me effortlessly in his strong arms, he held me tightly to his chest and I felt safe. I pushed my face into his chest breathing in his scent, my hands clutched him tightly. He walked quietly into the bedroom sitting on the edge of the bed, his hand stroked my hair. I sighed taking in another deep breath, I closed my eyes and began to relax, I could feel the tension draining away as he hummed a familiar tune. I felt myself beginning to drift off that's when I finally tore my face away from his chest, looking up from behind my hair to see his face. The moonlight lit up his face making it look even paler than usual, it took my breath away just seeing him again, maybe it was worth the pain of knowing it was only a matter of time until he left again.

"Thank you." I whispered softly, staring into his liquid onyx eyes, I wanted to memorise them who knew if I would ever see them again.

"You don't need to thank me." He smiled my favourite lopsided smile and I felt my heart break. "I didn't kill him." His voice deadly serious, his smile gone.

"Don't worry, I'll murder him myself." And I too was deadly serious. What he had done, what he was going to do… I shuddered.

"No." Edward shook his head, putting me gently on the bed, he stood up.

The loss of contact was harsh, I fought the urge to stand with him.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," His voice was thick with angst. "I should have got there sooner… I shouldn't have let him…" His voice broke and he turned his back to me.

I stood then reaching my hand out to the small of his back, he relaxed under my touch and I saw his shoulders fall.

"I'm so sorry."

"Edward…" My voice was barely over a whisper yet the sheer amount of pain in it was overwhelming.

He turned in alarm, his eyes searching mine for a source of the fresh tears falling down my cheeks.

"Bella, what is it?" He touched my cheek and I shivered leaning into his touch.

"You care." The words came out in a sob.

"Of course I care!" His eyes searched mine desperately trying to decipher my mind but his power did not work on me, we ran on different frequencies.

"That's what hurt the most, when you left," at my words, he removed his hand from my cheek, a look of pain crossing his face. "When you told me you didn't want me, how could you? Of course you couldn't. but I thought you didn't care. Thought in all these years you'd forgotten about me, that I didn't matter at all to you."

"Bella…" His face a vision of pure agony. "No, I've always wanted you, I've always cared. I never stopped loving you, have never spent a day without you in my mind. You are always on my mind, Isabella Swan. Always and forever."

"Then why?" I chocked on the words, fresh tears began to spill.

"I never wanted you to be hurt, Bella. I never wanted you to become like me, I just couldn't do that to you. I wanted you to be happy."

"Happy? Edward I haven't been happy in a very long time, I think I've forgotten what it fells like. I think I've forgotten how to live or to love. When you left… you took all of me with you and I had nothing left."

He looked down ashamed, or hurt.

"I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to take away your humanity, that's the reason I left. I meant for you to forget me, to find someone better…"

I closed my eyes.

"There is no one better, there is no one apart from you, Edward." I reached out, taking his hand in my own. I brought it to my lips, placing a soft kiss on his cool skin.

He closed his eyes inhaling deeply.

"You smell better than I remember." He smiled gently, his eyes reopening to stare deep into my own.

"Oh." I had forgotten about the effect my scent had on him. "Do you want me to…" I let go of his hand.

"No." He smiled again, taking me into his arms. "I missed it."

My heart skipped a beat. I let my eyes flutter closed, resting my head against his marble chest. It was as though no time had passed at all. The effect he had on me was the exact same.

"I missed all of you."

"Can you ever forgive me for the pain I've caused us both, for the time I've taken from you?" His voice was ridden with guilt and regret.

"If it weren't for you Edward I wouldn't be here, you have saved me so many times and here you are saving me again. How could I not forgive you?" I pulled away to look up at his face.

"Thank you, I love you more than you will ever know, more than words are capable of explaining. You must be the purest kindest creature on this planet." He kissed my forehead lightly, wrapping his arms tighter around me.

"And I love you more than you will ever know, more than I'm even capable of." I snuggled deeper into his chest.

"Mmm."

I smiled to myself. Well and truly happy for the first time in three years. Despite everything that had happened, despite all the pain and heartache, despite the time we had lost or the problems we would face. None of it mattered, not anymore. Not as long as I had him with me.

"What now then?" I asked softly into his chest.

"Now, we do what you want. Not what I think is best for you but what you need, Bella. We do this your way this time."


	4. Bloodlust

**4. Bloodlust**

I smiled into his chest, clutching him tighter to me. The world seemed to melt away from me until there was nothing apart from him and me standing together for all eternity. There was nothing else I needed apart from to have him love me the way I loved him. If I had that, there was nothing else that mattered. My mind settled into a peaceful state, all thoughts drowned out by the unconditional happiness which I was now drenched with. That's when the thought cut through my mind. I stiffened slightly letting out a small noise of disgusted.

"First, let me change into something a little less ridiculous." I pulled out of Edwards grasp as much as it pained me to do so.

He let out a smooth laugh a sly grin crossing his face.

"You look…" He paused a moment thinking of the right word. "Unbelievably alluring right now…" His eyes locked with mine and there was an instant surge of electricity between us.

Within seconds our lips were together, I grabbed onto him frantically desperate for the contact, I noticed the change immediately, his entire body stiffened - if that was at all possible. He grabbed my shoulders too tightly, the pain was blinding, I tried to pull away, he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth hungrily and that's when I remembered the blood. I froze unable to move. His grip tightened and I thought I might faint as the white hot pain seared through my body, I could feel my body going limp… then as instantly as the change had occurred it stopped. He threw himself across the room with lightning speed crashing deafeningly into the opposite wall. My entire body was shuddering, black spots began to cloud my vision. I took a deep shaky breath waiting for the pain to subside enough for me to talk. When I looked back he was gone, or at least I couldn't see him. I heard a harsh sob coming from the floor. He was holding his knees tightly to his chest, the look on his face said it all.

"Edward…" My voice was shaky and weak, I didn't trust myself to move just yet.

"Oh God, Bella…" His voice was broken, distraught.

"Are you okay?" I asked him softly, still unable to move.

He laughed, it was cold and harsh and made me shiver.

"I just… and you… am _I_ okay?" He looked at me incredulously, his eyes piercing mine. "Bella, my god…" His voice was broken again, his hands shaking as he brought them to his face. "I'm so sorry. I am so so sorry, this was stupid," He was on his feet and at the door before I could blink. "_I_ was so stupid, how could I think I could control myself with you? I could have killed you…" The thought sunk in again and the pain on his face made my heart ache.

"It wasn't your fault, I should have remembered, I didn't think…" He held up a finger cutting me off.

"Do not dare blame this on yourself." His voice was strong, his eyes wide as they stared into mine. A thousand emotions passed through them in seconds yet his face didn't change at all.

I didn't know what to say, I felt numb. I knew Edward was dangerous. He was a _vampire_, what else could I expect from him other than danger? Was he dangerous though? Had he not stopped himself when he had the taste of my blood in his mouth? How many other vampires out there can say they could have done the same?

I stared back at him, and I realised, I trusted him completely. With my heart, with my soul, with my life.

"I love you, Edward." My voice was little over a whisper but I knew he heard me loud and clear.

"Why?" His eyes were wide, confused. "How can you love me after _that_?"

I smiled a small gentle smile taking in every part of him. His bronze hair sitting just so, the way it had always been, but the way I loved it. His jet black eyes, so dark yet so _light_, soft. Full of emotion and questions. His statue like body, cold and hard yet I seemed to fit perfectly with him, as if we were made to fit each other. His lips, forced into a tight line as he studied my face trying to read my mind, yet failing miserably for the millionth time. Everything about him made me love him, every time he moved… or didn't move, spoke with his silken voice or remained silent. Everything. Every second.

I took two steps towards him, frowning when he took one back. I took another two closer to his body and this time he hesitated, one more step and I was right in front of him.

"Edward, I would love you no matter what, there's nothing in this world that could stop me." I reached out slowly laying my palm on his cheek.

Touching Edward was surreal. He never felt the way he should yet somehow he felt better. He may be rock solid and ice cold, but I had grown to like him like this. I stroked my fingers lightly down the side of his face, trailing them to his chin, my thumb ghosted over his bottom lip before I leaned in painfully slowly, carefully to place a chaste, delicate kiss on his lips.

"Bella…" The word was just a breath, dancing across my face, making my stomach do summersaults. "It was never you, you were always right for me. It's me. _I'm _no good to you, I will never be good for you. You will always be in danger around me."

"Edward! I'm always in danger, please…" My voice broke at the last word. This felt too much like goodbye. Like last time. "Don't leave me again…" I sobbed desperately, fresh tears began their journey down my face. If I lost him again, I wouldn't survive.

He pushed me back, looking down on my face. His eyes studied me for what felt an eternity and I knew he was taking in every inch of me as I had him.

"I'll never leave you, Bella. I couldn't, wouldn't. The last time…" He stopped his face screwing up in agony, I let out a soft sob. "For three years I've felt nothing but pain, not being able to touch you, to kiss you… I could never go through that again, could never put you through that. I'd sooner kill myself and end my existence."

I felt as though my body were about to break, so fragile and soft. All the pain from the last three years engulfed me in misery so strong I surly thought I might loose my mind. My vision was blurry from the pools of tears in each my eyes. I looked into his beautiful black orbs seeing my own reflection mirrored in them. I looked terrible yet the way Edward was looking at me I might have been an angel. An overwhelming _need _for him hit me so hard all the pain seemed to wash away. My hands began to tremble, my breathing came in short heavy bursts.

"Edward…" I sobbed, so desperate for him to touch me. "I need you, so badly."

A look of shock crossed his face before changing to understanding and then sadness.

"Bella… I can't… I can't _hurt_ you."

"Then don't." I whispered so softly, leaning forward to place my lips on his.

At first he didn't respond. I slowly ran my fingers up through his hair, then down to his neck, desperately bringing him closer to me. Again, there was an instant change, not like before but something I had never felt from him before. He kissed me back feverously. Ice met fire and I succumbed to a pleasure I had never felt before. Every part of me was on fire. I trailed my hands hungrily down his back, reaching under his shirt to feel his icy flesh. The contrast between my skin and his only made me need him more. I reached for the hem of his shirt pulling it upward, pushing myself closer into him. The desire was uncontrollable, I couldn't breathe my heart rate so accelerated I thought a heart attack imminent. I didn't care.

His lips moved against mine, his own hands exploring my body before reaching under my own shirt causing me to gasp out in surprise. My eyes snapped open and we broke apart. I gasped in as much cool air as I could, our eyes locking together. He moved his hand slowly upward his eyes never leaving mine. I bit my lip softly to suppress a moan, an involuntary shiver running down my spine.

"Edward…" My voice was so desperate, I was pleading with him. "Please…"

He seemed to consider this for a moment, fighting a silent battle in his mind. Then his lips began to trail soft slow kissed down my neck to my collarbone. His cold hands trailed down my sides to the bottom of my shirt and then it was gone. He picked me up effortlessly, holding me close to his chest, I could feel the cold through his shirt. It was com forting rather than uncomfortable. I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist, crashing my lips into his moaning loudly against him.

We were on my bed now, Edward hovering above me a look of pure lust in his eyes. He kissed me so gently, so _lovingly_… it humbled me. I had always wondered how someone so beautiful, so special as Edward could love me. Bella Swan, ordinary in every way. I sighed then, a feeling of pure bliss taking over me. I couldn't have been happier right now if I'd tried. I think Edward could sense that because he smiled down on me, stroking my cheek softly, kissing my lips one more time.

My breathing had calmed down now the fire almost completely gone, I shivered. Suddenly I was so very tired, I felt as though I hadn't slept in days, my eyelids were heavy I could barely keep them open.

"Sleep, sweet Bella." Edward whispered.

I shook my head, a tiny smile playing on my lips.

"Need to change first." I remembered briefly what had led to all _this_.

His smile mirrored mine before he nodded in understanding. He collected up my pyjamas laying them at the foot of the bed. Then he leaned down over me, kissing my forehead lightly. I smiled again, sitting up slowly. He had already left the room.

I sighed, padding over to the mirror to survey myself. I almost gasped at the girl staring back at me. My eyes were red and puffy, my lips swollen with a thick red line down the middle. The side of my neck was purple where Shawn had bit me, I shuddered remembering the ordeal I had only just suffered. My shouldered shown no sign of bruising which surprised me considering the pain I had felt earlier, maybe it would show tomorrow. My hair was dishevelled, sticking up here and there not in the way Edwards did, his did so in a _'I didn't mean to do this but it looks great anyway' _way. I smiled to myself before pulling on my pyjamas. They were a pair of grey sweat pants and a white tank top, comfy and warm.

Edward knocked softly on the door when I was situated in bed, the covers pulled up high to my neck. I told him to come in, yawning. I hadn't realised just how tired I was, being attacked and then finding out the man that you loved but had left you years ago because he didn't love you had come back and actually did love you and had only told you he didn't so that he wouldn't hurt you but in turn had hurt you even more than he ever could have if he'd tried… had come back in your life… my mind reeled.

He was lying down beside me now, I had forgotten just how quick he could move. It was trivial to him but it still left me confused and shocked. I recover quickly though. I turned to look at him, the sky was lightening outside it was morning and the soft yellow glow illuminated his pale face.

"You'll be here… when I wake up?" I was unsure. Maybe tonight's events had confirmed to him that he couldn't be here, that we wouldn't work.

"I'll be here." He confirmed, pressing his lips against mine for a brief second.

I smiled again. I had probably smiled more tonight than I had in the past three years it was ironic considering I had almost been raped. Another shudder ran through me but by now I was too tired to dwell on that dark thought. I snuggled closer to my love letting sleep take me in its warm, dark grasp.


	5. Visions

**5. Visions **

A soft glow warmed my eyelids but it wasn't the light that had woken me. I could hear the soft murmur of Edward's voice in the room next door. Even though he was speaking softly I could still hear bits of his conversation, first I heard my name and then Alice's. _Alice_. God I hadn't seen her in so long. I missed my former friend terribly. It was strange. Even though all of the Cullen's had left three years ago I never felt the hurt from them that I had felt with Edward, never thought of them the way I had thought of Edward. I hadn't thought of them at all in so long, mostly because thinking of them would lead to thinking of Edward and I had ruled that an impossibility at the very beginning. But still, knowing that Alice was at the other end of the phone, knowing she was out there somewhere living her life it made me nostalgic of the relationship we had once had. With Alice, there had been no awkward _'just becoming friends' _stage. As soon as she _saw_ our friendship, it was there for her in turn making it there for me. I guess we just clicked, as cliché as that might sound.

It was early evening, I could tell the sun was emitting the last of its light for the day and would soon disappear beneath the horizon. I had been sleeping for almost twelve hours. I yawned and was surprised to feel the heavy haze of tiredness still weighing me down. How was it possibility after so much rest? Well I was awake now, and might as well get up if only for a few hours. I hadn't seen Edward in three years, I hardly wanted to spend the time we had together sleeping all day.

I rose from my bed, going to stand in front of the mirror as I had the night before. My reflection hadn't changed much since then, apart from a new addition to the bruises covering my body. There was still the dark purple encircling my wrists, marring my neck and now I could make out the large handprints Edward had left on my delicate shoulders. How fragile the human body was. Edward had always told me how breakable I was, I hadn't believed him until now.

I frowned at my refection deciding covering up was the best option. I opted for a long sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans, and then quickly ran a brush through my hair. It would do, for now. I made my way slowly into the lounge. Edward was standing by the window, looking out into the distance. I knew that he had heard me come in but for some reason he didn't turn. I fidgeted with my shirt, unsure what to say.

"Did you sleep okay?" He sounded tired, which was impossible because vampires didn't need sleep.

"I slept fine, thank you. Although it has been quite some time since I've slept for twelve hours straight." I smile, taking a few steps closer to him.

"Your friend called earlier, I didn't want to wake you, so I answered, I hope you don't mind."

"Oh," I was a little shocked at this. Usually when my phone rings, I wake up right away. "Who was it?"

"Maria. She wanted to know if you were all right. You missed class." he was still staring distractedly out the window, his shoulders slumped. Something was wrong.

"What's wrong, Edward?" He turned to look at me.

His eyes seemed so old now. It was strange how I was only just noticing this now. Edward was over a century old, he had lived for so long, seem so much yet he still looked like just a boy. The only thing that gave him away at all was his eyes, so deep and knowing. There was a sadness in them now.

"Tell me, please."

"Alice just called me," He sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. "She's had a vision." He stops there, his eyes locking with mine.

"About what?" I ask calmly. I already know it's concerning me. I had overheard my name already.

"You," He says simply. "It was about you, Bella."

"What about me?"

He shakes his head lightly, obviously reluctant to share the details with me.

"It doesn't matter right now."

_That_ was his answer, it didn't matter? He was obviously upset about something. A vision Alice had seen concerning me and he thought it didn't matter? If it mattered to him, it would no doubt matter to me. Of that, I was sure.

"It matters to me, just tell me. I'm a big girl now." I smile light-heartedly. He doesn't return it.

"Please, Bella, just forget about it just now. I promise I'll tell you. Just not today, not now."

"Why not now? What difference will a day make? None." I was becoming ever so slightly irritated with him. Why was there a need for this secrecy? Didn't he trust me?

"I just got you back! I don't want to turn morbidly serious just yet, can't we just _be _for a short while?"

The word morbid stood out in that sentence. So it was _that _bad yet Edward still thought it best to keep it from me. Had he not learned that his idea of protecting me didn't always work out that way? The more I knew the safer I'd be. In my opinion anyway.

"Edward, if this involves me I have a right to know. Pretending like everything is okay won't help me. You can't just keep things from me to protect me, do you remember the last time you tried to _protect_ me?" My voice turns hard.

I can tell that was the right thing to say, I also know Edward feels tremendous guilt for leaving me but he can't just make the same mistakes over again.

"Okay," He replied meekly. "Then you'd better sit down."

I comply easily, taking a seat on the sofa. I lay my hands in my lap, waiting patiently as he sat heavily beside me.

"When I left you, Bella, I tore myself in two. I left my happiness in the woods and although I thought my actions were in your best interest, the hurt and emptiness still consumed me. I isolated myself from my family, if I couldn't have you then I didn't want anything else. I could barely bring myself to feed, existing became a torture for me." He was staring at the wall in front of him, his eyes seeing nothing.

"I receive a call from Alice not long after we'd left. She'd seen something. Something terrible." He swallowed thickly, turning his head to look at me. He looked scared.

"What did she see?" I asked softly.

"Your lifeless body. Dead and cold." He blinked.

"What?" My voice swam in shock. I hadn't died. Here I was, still alive. So what had happened? "I don't understand, Edward."

"You remember Laurent and Victoria," It wasn't a question. Of course I remembered them. "Victoria was James' mate. She was furious when we destroyed him, she wanted revenge and since I stole James from her, she had hatched a plan to steal you from me. It was Laurent who was to kill you, we found him just in time and managed to pry some answers from him. Victoria had sent him to look for you, to see if it were possible to get to you without my family burning her to the ground. Of course he would rather have _eaten_ you than go all the way back to Victoria to tell her, he'd found you." He gives me an apologetic look but I just wave it away, motioning for him to go on.

"After we had _dealt_ with Laurent we went after Victoria but it was as though she had disappeared into thin air. She hadn't. James had taught her well but we managed to pick up her scent, it led us to Minneapolis and then disappeared again. We tried for months but found nothing. Alice told me you would be safe now, she couldn't see anything terrible happening to you but I wouldn't give in. I continued to hunt for her by myself. Chicago, Charlotte, Atlanta… I had a few leads but nothing concrete. I had all but given up on finding her when I heard someone had seen her in Prague. I was on a plane within the hour. There was nothing, absolutely nothing." He paused, pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes squeezing shut.

"If I had found her earlier… This wouldn't be happening," He reached a hand out to my face, brushing my cheek tenderly. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"What was Alice's vision? When she called you just now, what has she seen?"

"Victoria, carrying out her revenge." His voice is broken.

"She kill's me." It wasn't a question. I felt numb, how much trauma could I take in the space of two days?

"I won't let her. Bella, listen to me," He pulled my chin gently upward so I was looking into his eyes. They were full of love and hate and sadness. "I promise you, she will not harm one hair on your head. Not ever."

"W-when does it happen?" My voice is soft and small, a shiver runs down my spine. Where was Victoria and when would she end my life?

"I don't know. Alice didn't see, it was too vague. She said she'll keep trying but until she can figure it out I am not leaving your side. Not for one second."

I nodded in agreement, at this precise moment in time I would take all of Edwards's overprotectiveness and I would cling to it with all I was worth.

"What is it with vampires and wanting to kill me?" I laugh, it sounds a little hysteric, and it probably is.

"Your human, Bella, and you smell so delicious." He smiles at me now and it melts my heart. I feel safe with him even if there is a psycho vampire out to get me. After all, he had protected me from James, what makes Victoria any more psychotic than him? Maybe because she was in love with him and it's because of me the Cullen's killed him, for a second time.

"Well there are another… oh I don't know, six billion people to choose from," I grin. "What makes me so special?"

"You were always special, Bella. You don't need a vampire trying to kill you to prove that fact but I supposed my presence hasn't helped you has it? If it weren't for me James wouldn't even know of your existence, nor would Victoria."

"Edward, you carry so much unnecessary guilt around with you. I didn't blame you for James, and I don't blame you for Victoria either. I knew what I was getting myself in to when I decided to be with you."

"Did you?" He raised his dark eyebrow, studying my face seriously. "When I told you I was dangerous did you expect to be hunted down and bitten by a vampire? Did you expect for me to break your heart so needlessly? Did you know that three years down the line you would still be hunted? If you did, tell me Bella, why would you choose that for yourself?"

I sigh. Edward always has to be so overdramatic. Of course I didn't _want _vampires coming after me, of course I didn't want to worry about being killed at any moment but if it's the price I have to pay to be with him… I'll take it.

"To be with you."

A tiny smile appeared on his face and he leaned in closer to me, resting his forehead on mine. I breathed him in hungrily, closing my eyes and letting my body relax. I could sit like this forever. Just being here, with him.

"What am I to do with you, dear Bella?"


	6. Safety in Numbers

**6. Safety in Numbers**

_Her fiery red hair fell messily around her face, blood red eyes bored into mine daring me to look away. I did not. Could not. She was so close to me now and I was terrified. My heart bet erratically, thudding like thunder in my ears. I knew she could hear it and this fact only made it beat even faster. A smile crept upon her lips, her tongue darted out smoothly to run slowly across them, she was hungry._

_I took a slow uneven breath trying desperately to calm myself. It didn't work and now the panic was taking me over. My body was so stiff I didn't think I could move even if I tried, I was trapped here with this psychotic vampire who was about to kill me. Great, just what I needed._

_Darkness was descending and soon the light would cense to be. I didn't know what was more frightening being alone with Victoria when I could see her or when I could not. My surroundings were unfamiliar to me. It looked much like Forks only it didn't. The trees around us seemed to be casting a fire like glow but that was impossible, wasn't it? There was a river just behind Victoria and beyond that thousands upon thousands of trees. Rows and rows of them standing extremely neatly, it seemed terribly unnatural to me._

_Victoria was still staring at me with those terrifying eyes, there was a sick, twisted look on her face. She wasn't planning on just killing me, no that wouldn't be revenge enough for her beloved James. She was planning on torturing me… making me scream and beg for my life. I shuddered involuntarily, this only seemed to turn her smile even more sadistic. There was no hope for me, none at all._

_She moved towards me predatorily, stalking me, hunting me. I finally found the use of my legs, taking two clumsy steps backward. I stumbled coming dangerously close to falling. I had to get out of here, but I couldn't, she was too fast. I knew that this was the beginning of the end and there was nothing I could do about it._

_Victoria stopped unexpectedly, her head snapping to the right starring off into the thick trees. I followed her gaze, seeing nothing but a jumble of green and brown. What was she looking at? My question was answered moments later. Two black eyes met mine, staring lazily my way. He had stopped just at the edge of the clearing, leaning casually against a big old tree. I stared back in shock, why was he so calm? Here I was frightened to death that I was about to be eaten by Victoria the crazy bitch vampire and he just stood there?_

"_Edward?" I whispered his name in confusion, tears welling in my eyes._

_He grinned back at me and I felt as though I had been doused in icky water. His smile was all wrong, his face was all wrong, he was all wrong! A feeling of intense dread overcame me. He wasn't going to stop her, he was going to stand there and watch and he was going to enjoy it._

_Victoria inched closer to me, teeth bared. She crouched down low, ready to attack and that's when I screamed._

"Bella?" Edwards's concerned voice interrupted my scream, his arms slipping around me, holding me close to him.

I blinked cautiously, terrified that he might be the wrong Edward but I needn't have worried. He was _my_ Edward. My beautiful, kind, compassionate, protective Edward. I sighed in relief, clutching at his shirt, breathing him in. I never grew tired of his scent. It made be dizzy, made my stomach do summersaults and my heart race. It smelt like home, of safety and of comfort.

"I'm okay," I whispered softly into his chest. "It was just a dream." I clutched him tighter to me, terrified that if I let him go he would somehow change into the monster of my dream.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly as his long fingers ran delicately through my messy hair.

I just shook my head, squeezing my eyes closed. I vaguely remembered a dream from long, long ago. A dream of the monster who had stole Edwards's heavenly body, tainted it with his malice and evil. I shuddered at the memory, wishing I hadn't remembered it at all.

"Are you sure I…" He was abruptly stopped by the shrill ring of my cell phone.

He picked it up from my bedside table, handing it to me silently before getting to his feet. He wanted to give me some privacy. I smiled at him, thanking him quickly before answering. The caller ID told me it was Maria.

"Maria! Hi."

"Hey, Bella where are you?" She sounded worried.

"I'm at home, why what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," She replied sounding a little relieved. "But you haven't been to class, I haven't seen you since the party and yesterday some random guy answered your phone. I thought you'd been kidnapped or something."

I laughed lightly, I'd completely forgotten Maria's call. Edward had informed me of it right before he spilt the beans about Victoria, forgive me if I was a little _distracted _after that.

"No I'm fine, that was Edward. I haven't been feeling well the past couple of days, I think I'm coming down with something. I'll have to email my tutor and let her know I won't be in for a while."

Truth be told I had completely forgotten about classes all together. It all seemed rather insignificant now. If a vampire was trying to kill you, I don't think literature would have much effect on the outcome. There was also the small matter of Shawn and I had no idea how I would react if I ever saw him again. I flinched as I remembered his hand in my pants…

"Bella? Are you there?" Maria asked.

"What? Oh, yeah I'm here. Sorry Maria I totally zoned out there, what were you saying?"

"I said who's Edward and why's he answering your phone, did you meet him at the party?" From the tone of her voice, I could tell she was out for some gossip.

"He's an old friend from high school, I bumped into him at the party and we got talking." It wasn't far from the truth.

"And… he's still there?" I knew what she was insinuating but I choose to ignore it. She didn't need to know about Edward and me. No one did.

"Yes he's still here, we haven't talked in three years, we have a lot to catch up on. He's going to be in town for a while so I offered him my couch, I'm nice like that." I heard her laugh loudly at the other end, this made me smile.

"Yes, you are nice like that, Bella. He doesn't mind that you're sick?"

"No not at all, I don't think it's catching so he should be fine." Even if it was catching, Edward wasn't capable of becoming ill, one of the many advantages of being a vampire.

"Okay well, will I email you our assignments or do you think Miss Robertson will forward them to you?"

"Um, I'm not sure. I'm going to email her this afternoon, I'm sure she'll pass them on to me though. God forbid I should fall behind with coursework." I sighed, twirling a strand of hair around my finger.

"Yeah, I know she's a freaking slave driver that woman. Well, listen, if you need anything just call okay?"

"Sure." I nodded silently to myself

"Get better Bella."

"I will thanks." I flipped my cell closed, placing it lightly back on my bedside table.

I really was going to have to call my tutor, if I fell behind it would be near impossible to catch up.

I rose to my feet, stretching out and yawning. I had so much tension, not to mention all the aches and pains from the past couple of days. I really needed to relax for a while but that wasn't going to happen, not with Victoria loose out there. I ran a hand through my long chestnut hair, it felt greasy, possible due to the fact that I hadn't showered since before the party.

I grabbed a pair of jeans, another long sleeved shirt and clean underwear. Then headed for the bathroom.

"I'm going for a shower," I told Edward who was reading a copy of Romeo and Juliet.

He looked up, smiling. His eyes were pitch black, dark circles under each one, a vast contrast to his perfectly pale skin.

"Okay."

I smiled back at him, making my way into the bathroom. How long had it been since he'd eaten? At least three days but of course it was longer than that because his eyes had already been black when I first saw him. I worried. He couldn't look after me twenty-four seven, he had to go out and hunt.

I took my time in the shower, the steamy water was doing wonders for my aches and pains, I could feel all of the tension in my body melting away. I washed, shaved my legs and then just stood there revelling in the feel of hot water running down my body. When I was done, I got dressed and brushed my teeth. Finally, I felt clean and tension free, I didn't know how long that would last for though.

"Edward," I asked walking into the lounge, he hadn't moved from his position on the couch. "When's the last time you hunted?" I bit my lip, taking a seat beside him.

He looked up at me, a little surprised at my question. He put his book down beside him, and then seemed to consider my question.

"Well, I'm not sure, a while I guess. My mind hasn't really been on eating lately." He laughed lightly flashing me a smile.

"But, aren't you hungry?" I asked, my finger reaching to his face, tracing the dark lines under them.

"I can ignore it for a while longer, please don't worry about me Bella."

"Edward, you say you're not leaving me for a second with Victoria out there but how do you plan on eating? Are you going to follow me to my classes at college? You haven't really thought this one through." I frowned when his smile widened.

"I've thought of that. That's why Alice and Jasper will be here soon."

"What?" My eyes widened as I stared at him in disbelief, Alice and Jasper were coming here today? How? Why?

"You're right, I can't be with you all of the time but at least one _vampire_ can. Alice missed you and volunteered she has it all planned out. College, shopping, the house, everything. She's really missed you Bella."

"I've missed her too, it seems like forever since… wait… did you just say 'the house'? What house?"

"She insisted that she buy a place, I don't think the four of us would fit in here. Don't worry, it's close to college and we'll all help you move your things."

My mind reeled. This was just too much to take in. First at the party then Edward, finding out Victoria was after me, that I would soon see Alice and now this, a house?

"Wow."

"I know it's a lot to take in Bella but I want to keep you safe."

"By moving me in to a house full of vampire?" I asked with a grin.

He smiled back at me, running his fingers down my cheek. I leaned into his touch, sighing a little. God I loved it when he touched me.

"Everything's going to be okay, I promise." Edward said softly.

"Yep, everything's going to be just fine."

I jumped letting out a little yelp, I turned around quickly to see Alice standing in the middle of the room, Jasper right next to her. I hadn't even heard her come in! Well she was a vampire, it was to be expected. She looked exactly the same as I remembered, as did Jasper who wore a look of pure guilt on his face. I guess he still felt bad about the birthday incident, not that I blamed his at all.

"Alice?!" I squealed, jumping to my feet quickly.

"Bella! I missed you!" She was hugging me in an instant, her cold arms closing around me tightly, she smelled better than I remembered.

"I missed you too! How are you?"

She pulled back, holding me at arms length a look of worry on her delicate face.

"It should be me asking _you_ that, you've had a lot to deal with."

"I'm totally fine, don't worry about me, Edwards been keeping me safe but really Alice, tell me about this house."

She grinned a look of sheer pleasure was on her face.

"Oh, Bella, just wait until you see it! You're going to love it!"


	7. Promises

_AN: Firstly I would like to thank those of you who took the time to submit a review, I appreciate it immensely it makes me feel like my hours of writing aren't just for my own amusement!_

_Second I'm sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up. It seems procrastination got the better of me and then writers block began with the mocking, to top it all off word decided to crash on me and I lost a lot of the work I'd already done but it's here! Hopefully the next chapter won't take quite so long._

_Thirdly I apologise if this chapter has more mistakes than usual it's 11.30pm I've been working all day and am really tired, my eyes are actually blurry right now but I feel like if I don't post it now I'll go insane. I'll recheck it later and hopefully make it more reader friendly._

_Okay well that's all my rubbish out of the way, enjoy!_

**7. Promises**

I sighed breathing in the fresh Seattle air as I looked out over all the buildings, I smiled to myself. Alice couldn't have picked a better place. It was literally a five-minute walk from Seattle Pacific campus. It was a two story new construction on Queen Anne's north slope. Three bedrooms, two and a half baths and the master bedroom had a balcony that had breath-taking views over the city. Jasper and Alice had their own room for privacy and as Edward didn't sleep, he pretty much just hung out in here with me. The spare room had been turned into a study while I waited for Alice to register for classes. She had told administration she was transferring from Roosevelt in Chicago, Jasper had produced the paperwork for her and she was all set to start on Monday. Today was Friday so that gave me the rest of the weekend to psyche myself up for this. It had been a week since I'd last been to classes, handing in coursework via email, I was pretty much dreading going back.

It hadn't taken long for the four of us to transfer my belonging from my apartment to the house, all I had were books and clothes, I had been renting it furnished. As I was pretty much under twenty four hour surveillance I'd decided to quit my bar job and now that I wasn't paying rent or bills it wasn't really necessary anyway. It was strange going from complete independence to sharing a house with three other people and having Edward pay for my gas and groceries. He told me he didn't mind, of course he didn't he had more money than he knew what to do with and it wasn't forever, just until Victoria was found.

I took one last deep breath then made my way back inside shutting and locking the french doors behind myself, not that something so flimsy as a lock would stop Victoria it still made me feel marginally better. I walked slowly down the stairs into the open plan kitchen/lounge area, it was so light and spacious it vaguely reminded me of the Cullen's old place in Forks. Edward was reading on the couch, Alice and Jasper had gone shopping hours ago and still hadn't returned. Poor Jasper, I knew how Alice could get carried away but rather him than me!

"Hey, you." I said grinning when Edward looked up. He smiled back at me placing his book on the coffee table. "Would you like to take a walk in the park?" I asked.

"I would love to, would you like me to get your coat?"

I nodded and in less than a second he was helping me put it on. I had already gotten used to his vampire speed again, with Alice and Jasper around too; they all came in handy at times.

Like campus the park was only a few minutes away, we walked in silence, fingers intertwined. It felt as though Edward had never left, if anything we were now closer than we had ever been. It felt like complete bliss when our lips would meet, when he would catch my eye from across the room… my heart would race. Being with him completed me. As tacky and pathetic as it sounds, when he had left me I was a broken shell, it seemed like every part of me was missing and now that I had him back I was me again. I wasn't broken anymore.

A squirrel ran past us, darting up a large tree with a pinecone in its mouth. I giggled softly as it dropped it half way up, having to run back down again to collect it. This time it made it up into the thick leaves disappearing from sight. Edward smiled silently next to me. I loved that we could do this, Seattle was no Forks but it was on cold winter days like these that made afternoon walks with Edward possible. The sun was hiding behind what seemed like a mountain of clouds and every time we breathed out a little cloud of fog would escape our mouths. The cold didn't really bother me anymore, I'd become acclimatised to it after all this time. There were days when I would miss Phoenix and the glorious heat but it's not like I would want to go back. Renée was in Jacksonville now; I guess I felt as though Phoenix would be empty without her.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked me, his eyes glued to my face; I hadn't even noticed he had been watching me.

"Nothing much… the cold, my mom." I shrugged.

"Do you miss her?"

I shrugged again. Did I miss my mother? I hadn't really thought about her much these past few years. I'd been so caught up in my own little world, only seeing her, Phil and the baby at the holidays. It was the same with Charlie; I could count how many times I'd seen him since I'd moved to Seattle on one hand. I suddenly began to feel guilty.

"I guess I haven't really thought of her or Charlie much lately."

Edward nodded in response and then we continued our walk in silence.

With Edward, silence was comfortable; I was able to enjoy it. I didn't feel the need to fill ever pause with mindless small talk and nor did he. In the last week, we had talked for hours and hours. We would usually stay up into the small hours of the morning telling each other about our lives now, what we had missed. We had our best conversations at night; me tucked up in bed, Edward laying beside me. I had learned something new about him each night and he too about me.

It was a little before two when we got home. Alice and Jasper were still out on their shopping trip, I was beginning to wonder if they were alright but Edward would know if something was wrong so I put it to the back of my mind. My stomach growled impatiently, it was definitely time for lunch.

Alice and Jasper got back at three thirty laden with dozens of bags. I was surprised to see Jasper was smiling along with Alice. They put down their shopping, intertwining their fingers lovingly before sharing a slow, intimate kiss. I blushed slightly, feeling embarrassed at witnessing such a private moment between them both. Sure Alice and Jasper kissed all the time, they were a close couple but they were mostly quick pecks around Edward and me, they saved these kind of kissed for the privacy of their room.

"Bella!" Alice chimed in her singsong voice.

I smiled and could feel the slight blush on my cheeks began to dissipate leaving only pale white skin.

"Did you have a fun shopping trip?" I asked trying to keep the amusement from my voice.

I still couldn't understand how Alice always seemed to have so much fun buying new things, it didn't matter what it was or who it was for she just loved it! Alice probably spent most of her life buying little trinkets and new clothes. I myself had never liked shopping, it was awkward and annoying, my idea of hell.

"Of course I did! I brought you a gift; I'm so excited you're going to love it!"

I couldn't help but mirror her excitement. She and Jasper both seemed so happy; whatever she had bought me it must be something very special.

There was a time when I hated the Cullen's buying me things. It didn't matter what it was or how expensive it was, it always bothered me. Now I didn't seem to mind at all. Who was I to say what they could spend their money on? It wasn't like they didn't have enough of it and it always seemed to make Alice happy.

"Well where is it?" I asked a huge smile on my face.

Alice practically screamed in excitement, grabbing my hand.

"Close your eyes, Bella." She said softly. I did just that and she began leading me.

The front door opened and I felt a cold gust of wind swipe at me, whatever she had bought was outside. She led me slowly down the porch steps and then stopped at the bottom.

"Are you ready?" She asked.

I nodded in response, taking a deep breath. I was genuinely excited which shocked me slightly, normally I hated surprises.

"Okay, open your eyes."

As my eyelids slipped open, I gasped in shock. Before me, parked right in front of the garage was a brand new car. It was just a little thing, dark emerald with smooth, crisp lines. It had only two front doors, meaning whoever was to sit in the backseat must first move the front seat forward but this didn't bother me, I only ever drove by myself or with Edward. I smiled despite myself feeling genuine gratefulness at Alice's gift. I loved my truck, there was no doubt about it but it was old and I hadn't been very good to it, it was a miracle it still ran at all.

"Alice, you shouldn't have." I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I said this.

"Yes I should have, your truck was just about ready to fall apart. Besides it's not just from me, it's from all of us."

"Well thank you, all of you. I really don't know what else to say."

"Do you want to take it out for a drive?" Edward asked

"Yes please!"

Alice handed me the keys then Edward and I got in. The seats were so comfortable and when I started the engine, it was so quiet at first I though there was something wrong with it. We drove around for a while; I didn't really have a specific location in mind. I was so surprised at how smoothly it ran. Changing gears was no longer a struggle and I didn't have to throw my foot on the break like my life depended on it, a simple tap would suffice.

"Do you like it?" Edward asked me from the passenger seat.

"I love it! Thank you so much."

"You're quite welcome, at least now I don't have to worry about your truck falling apart with you in it." He laughed lightly, flashing me his crooked smile I love so much.

"Yes very funny, you probably have a point there though. I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did."

"As am I." Another chuckle from Edward and I couldn't help but join in.

Back at the house later that night Edward and Jasper were speaking in hushed voices over at the kitchen counter. I couldn't hear a word they were saying but what ever it was they both looked deathly serious. Jasper looked exasperated as though he was trying to talk Edward out of something. I looked on with curiosity, straining to pick up any part of their conversation. It was impossible they were talking much too quietly and far too fast for me to hear. They both looked over at me simultaneously, immediately their conversation stopped and Jasper went up stairs. Edward looked back at me, his light topaz eyes sparkling with something I couldn't quite place.

"Will you be alright here with Alice? I need to leave for a little while."

"Where are you going?" I replied. I knew it had something to do with his and Jasper's conversation and I was determined to find out what it was about.

"No where important I just have some business to take care of." He began making his way to the door.

"Is Jasper going with you?" My voice was casual enough but really, I was hurt Edward didn't want to tell me. Weren't we done with all the secrets?

He gave a small nod in response and then he was gone. I sighed heavily, just when I thought we were making progress. I hated that he kept things from me but what else could I do. Tell him he couldn't leave the house until he told me where he was going, I wasn't his mother nor did I want to take on that particular role either.

"Alice?" I called out, making my way upstairs to the study.

Alice had been in there all night, apparently brushing up on her English skills, like she'd needed to do that! She knew more about my course than I did.

"In here." She called from her bedroom.

Looks like she'd given up on the studying idea, if you were as old as Alice, why would you even bother to look over things you already knew? Not only would she know more than me and everyone else she would probably even outsmart all of the lecturers.

I walked quietly into her room. She was sitting cross-legged on her bed staring off into the distance. She looked up at me as I came in flashing me a quick smile. Her room was roughly the same size as mine. The entire back wall was covered in books, she had told me that this was only a few from her collection and she had left the rest with Carlisle. All of the Cullen's liked to read, when you had forever what did you do with it? There were only so many things you could do before you'd done everything.

"Do you know were Edward and Jasper went?"

For a moment, I thought she was going to tell me, her mouth opened ever so slightly but she closed it before she could speak. Then simply shook her head. That was all I needed to know something was going on.

"Alice. I know you know. Do you remember what happened last time you kept things from me?" I felt bad for playing the guilt card but I hated being kept in the dark.

"It's not my place to tell you, Bella. Edward will explain everything when he gets back."

"Gets back from what? Can't you tell me now? If I'm going to find out anyway why wait?"

"He didn't want you to try and stop him." She said softly, turning her face from me.

"What? Stop him from doing what? Please, Alice?" I begged. The look in Edward's eyes before he had left… I couldn't place it, now I was beginning to worry.

"He went to see Shawn." The words were barely above a whisper and I began to wonder if I had heard them at all. Alice wasn't looking at me, just staring absently out the window.

I felt like my heart had stopped. Edward had gone to see Shawn; my mind was frantically going around in circles trying to find any possible outcome where Edward didn't tear Shawn's head off with his teeth.

"Why would you let him… you know what he's going to do," My voice was shaking I don't know if it was from anger or fear. "Alice, look at me!"

She turned to meet my gaze, her light eyes seemed darker than they were, her face betrayed no emotion.

"Jasper's with him. Don't worry."

"Don't worry? Don't worry! Alice, you've lost your mind, this is Edward we're talking about! Jasper won't be able to stop him." My voice was filled with panic. I knew Edward had killed people in the past but that had been a long time ago. This was different, it was because of me.

"Don't underestimating him. Both of them. They have more control then you could possibly imagine." Her voice was soft, soothing.

"What if you're wrong?"

She shook her head, closing her eyes. Her expression went blank and I could tell she was searching for the outcome of these events.

"I can't see," She replied truthfully and for that, I was grateful I didn't want to be lied to. "But I trust them, Bella. You should too."

I did trust them. I trusted them both with my life, that was why I was here. I knew with all my heart that they both wanted to protect me but how far would they go to do so? I knew Victoria would kill me if she ever got her hands on me, I would be glad when she was gone, I would be grateful but Shawn was a human. He was just a boy, a stupid, disgusting, pathetic boy. What he had done to me… what he was going to do… it was unforgivable but I didn't want him dead. At first I would have done it myself, I was so angry and hurt but now all I wanted was to forget about it. Forget about Shawn and forget about what happened. I didn't need his death on my conscious for the rest of my life, I couldn't live with that.

I just nodded, biting my lip nervously all I wanted right now was Edward to be here. I needed so badly to talk to him to beg him not to do what he so clearly wanted to but it was to late he was gone and Shawn would be at the mercy of two vampires.

"I think I'll go sit in my room." I left before she could reply, my feet dragging slowly as though they were made of led.

Darkness had descended by now, the large french doors had become a mirror shielding the view outside. I studied myself in the darkened glass, my hand rose slowly to touch the tender skin of my neck. It had been a week but the faint red outline of Shawn's teeth could still be seen. I closed my eyes blocking the image from my mind. I felt so lost. When Edward had left me I had died, my body was unscathed but my mind and my soul… I had thought they were broken beyond repair. I had been sleep walking through my life, not really caring, paying no attention to the world around me. I had isolated myself from my family and everyone I had known; life became a chore, a curse. When Edward had come back into my life, it was to save me from rape and then to inform me Victoria was after my blood it just felt as though bad things would keep happening I just couldn't escape them. I felt so tired.

I undressed quickly finding a clean pair of pyjama pants from the dresser, they were lilac with a jumble of white and purple monkeys spread across them, I threw on a white tank top, switched the light off and then silently climbed into bed, closed my eyes and let sleep wash over me.

I woke to the feel of cold fingers soothingly stroking my hair, I could tell it was still dark out but couldn't bring myself to open my eyes. If I looked at Edward now would I see the face of a killer, or would he still be the same person I knew and loved? I lost myself in the soft brush of fingers against my hair, I listened intently to the slow and even breathing beside me careful matching my own to it.

"Edward?" I mumbled groggily after what felt like forever mimicking his breaths, I kept my eyes closed delaying the moment I would look upon his face for as long as possible.

"Alice told me you were upset." Edward whispered softly, I could feel his cool breath on my cheek; his sweet aroma calmed me enough so I could open my eyes.

My eyes took a moment to adjust to the blackness around me but when they did, I could see his face so clearly in front of me. It was the same as I remembered it, it hadn't gotten harder, harsher, or darker, his eyes had not turned crimson and there was no blood on his face, these were all good signs. I searched his familiar eyes for any sign of what he had done but found nothing.

"Did you do it?" I asked timidly my eyes glued to his.

He kept my gaze, his fingers grazing along my cheek lightly before he leaned down to place a soft kiss on my forehead. My breath caught and I began to ache for his touch, I leaned into his palm until his hand cupped my cheek the cold stung my warm skin but it didn't matter to me. I heard him sigh softly before he spoke.

"I didn't kill him, Bella, I wanted to, oh how I ached for it but I managed to keep control of myself."

I let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding, relief rushed into me yet with it came guilt. Why had I been so worried, I knew how much self-restraint and control he had, how could I have doubted him?

"I'm sorry." I mumbled averting his gaze.

"Don't be, I'm sorry I didn't tell you what I was about to do but I didn't want you to worry. It seems however that is exactly what I did; it should be me who is apologising, Bella."

"Maybe you're right. There weren't going to be any more secrets, Edward. You promised. I know you don't want me to worry but you have to realise it hurts me when you keep things from me. I can handle the truth and most of the time, it's better than what I'm imagining anyway." I laughed lightly at the last part. It was true though, I had a rather vivid imagination.

"I understand and I am sorry, I don't mean to hurt you but it seems that hurting you is all I'm capable of." It was Edward's time to look away, his brow creasing with anguish.

"That's not true." I reached out to touch his face. My fingers brushed gently against his cheek and then fell down onto his chest, I clutched at his shirt pulling him closer to me. He surrendered, letting me pull him down next to me. I wrapped my arms around his marble body, pushing myself into him until our bodies were flush against each other. I took a deep breath letting his sweetness fill my head as my cheek rested against his chest.

"You make me feel like life is worth something after all, that being with you is worth all of the pain I've been through. You're my reason for being alive, Edward. Don't you ever forget that." I felt the familiar sting of tears wet my face, my throat felt dry as I took a shaky breath.

"And you are my reason for existing at all," I felt Edward's hold on me get just a fraction tighter as he said this. "I would do anything for you; I would give everything for you. You're all I could ever want Bella; you are everything I need, all I could ever need. Without you life doesn't make sense, it's empty and cold. I promise to tell you everything from now on, I know I said it before but this time I_ promise_ with everything I am. I don't want you to hurt because of me, not ever." He kissed the top of my head lovingly, making me sigh in contentment.

"I love you." I whispered sleepily, my eyes felt heavy and my mind was beginning to become hazy.

"Get some rest my love, we'll talk more in the morning." At that, he began humming my lullaby and it seemed that was all it took. I let myself slip into unconsciousness any trace of worry or fear long gone.


	8. Monday, Monday

_AN: Again I apologise for the delay between chapters, I keep putting writing off and work always seems to get in the way. I have next week off so hopefully I'll write faster, no promises though._

_This chapter was pretty much all filler, no killer. I** am** going somewhere with this I promise! Next chapter will see more action. Thanks for reading!_

**8. Monday, Monday**

Thick white speck's fell from the sky, floating gracefully towards the ground. My hair was sprinkled with the fluffy white flakes that were slowly melting, almost fully saturating my hair. Alice was dancing gracefully around the garden, her arms thrown out wide as she span on the spot staring gleefully at the sky above her. It was first snow in the city, usually we didn't expect it until late November but this year it had come early. It was Monday morning and my first day back at class since the 'incident'. Alice had woke me up super early; she had already seen the snow last night and wanted to enjoy it before class.

Jasper was picking up a handful of snow, packing it tight in his hand ready to attack. Of course, Alice had seen it coming and ducked in plenty of time, she let out a soft musical laugh before launching her own attack within minutes it was a snowball frenzy. Alice knew every move Jasper was going to make and so she avoided being hit at all, Jasper was fast at dodging them he could usually determine the snowballs trajectory as Alice threw it so naturally he avoided most hits. Me on the other hand… I was slow, clumsy and soon very cold and wet.

"Duck, Bella!" I heard Edward call from somewhere behind me.

He had left late last night to hunt, hearing his voice startled me and instead of doing as he had instructed I turned to look at him. I immediately regretted it.

Cold, hard snow smashed into my face knocking me backwards, I stumbled tripping over my feet but before I could hit the blanket of snow beneath me Edward had caught me in his strong arms.

"Bella, I'm so sorry, are you alright?" He looked so worried I couldn't help but laugh.

My face was still stinging from the impact but Edward hadn't thrown it hard, well not by his standards anyway. It would hurt for a little while but that was all, no damage done.

"I'm fine." I assured him, smiling brightly. I had missed him last night, sleeping without him by my side was becoming more and more difficult. I had tossed and turned for hours, never getting comfortable.

"I told you to duck." He smiled, helping me to my feet. He smoothed my soaked hair, brushing a few strands from my face.

"I know, I just didn't expect to hear your voice." I blushed, although my cheeks were already a deep red from the cold so it was barely noticeable.

Edward dipped his head, his lips brushing against mine for only a second before they were gone, I pouted at the brief contact but I was cold and wet and getting dry seemed to be more of a priority at the moment.

"I'm going to change before I freeze." I told everyone before making my way inside and finding something dry to wear.

I quickly tied my hair back and was ready in a matter of minutes, just some jeans and a sweater to keep me warm. My books were already in my bag so there was nothing more to do. I took a long breath exhaling slowly as the nerves began to set in. I was scared. I knew Shawn wouldn't be there but everyone else would, I felt claustrophobic and alone. Alice would be there too, I knew that but logic seemed to be taking a back seat right now. It felt like going back there would somehow erase this past week, erase Edward. It was stupid of me to fear him not being there, he had promised me he would never leave again, not ever but there was still that fear, the memory of life without him. There was a soft knock at the door before Edward entered, the smile on his face quickly vanished as he saw me standing in the middle of the room, deathly pale practically hyperventilating.

"Bella, what's wrong?" His cool arms wrapped around my waist pulling me gently towards him.

I breathed in his sweet aroma, burying my face into his chest. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut as I took huge gulps of air, trying to calm myself down. I was being highly irrational; I knew that yet somehow I couldn't control myself. I clung to his shirt desperately, looking up at Edward my eyes wide and swimming with tears.

"I can't do this." I sobbed. I felt so small and fragile next to his strong form.

"Hush, my love." He whispered softly into my ear, stroking my hair reassuringly and holding me tighter against his chest.

I gasped in air as I bit my lip staring deep into his butterscotch eyes. I always loved his eyes the most right after he had fed. They were the most beautiful colour I had ever seen and as I stared motionlessly into them, I felt as though nothing else in the world mattered. The truth is when I was with him everything else dissolved and all that was left, was him. I blinked letting a single salty tear slip from my eyes, my tongue darted out to wet my lips quickly before I leaned in painfully slowly, my eyes glued to his. Our lips were only millimetres apart; I could feel his cool breath on my face. I could hear my heart pounding madly in my chest but I didn't care, there was a time when my cheeks would have flushed scarlet at the sheer embarrassment but it didn't matter anymore. I wanted him to know what he did to me.

"Bella…" He breathed the words ever so softly, yet I could still feel his lips move on my own.

This was all I could stand. My heart drummed frantically as I closed the distance between us, my lips crashing clumsily into his, my fingers dragging longingly into his silken bronze hair. Edwards's eyes fluttered closed as his lips began to move with mine, his own hands ghosted down my sides and over my hips where they came to rest. I sighed softly my mouth opening just a fraction as I tried to deepen our kiss. I could feel him grow tense next to me and I knew this was all I was going to get. It frustrated me immensely but I understood the reasons behind this, I knew all to well what Edward was capable of and I didn't want a repeat of last week.

"I'm sorry." He pulled back, touching a finger to my cheek.

"I understand." I replied, my voice sounded hoarse and rough. I cleared my throat.

"Are you okay?" He asked, "You were upset."

"I'm fine now, I was just being silly." I smiled, placing a careful kiss on his cheek before grabbing my bag. "I should probably get going, or we'll be late."

"Do you want me to come with you, just for today?" He asked cautiously obviously afraid he would offend me somehow.

"Thank you Edward," He was so considerate I didn't know what I had done to deserve someone like him. "But I'll be fine. Bedside's I've got Alice, right? She'll protect me." I chuckled lightly at this, as did he.

"You'll be safe and if you need me, I'm only a phone call away."

"I know."

I wanted so desperately to hold on to him, to beg him to let me stay. Who needed college anyway? I could just stay here with him forever and not have to worry about the world outside… but I didn't do that. Instead, I kissed him goodbye and left. Alice was already waiting downstairs for me, a knowing look on her face. We walked in silence, she didn't have to ask me if I was okay or if there was anything on my mind and I appreciated that. As we got to campus, she touched my arm lightly her face a picture of sheer beauty.

"Are you ready?" Her voice was like a soft melody.

I only nodded in response before we made our way to our first class.

The whispering started the second we entered the building, people stared as they walked passed. The majority of the boys had a look of dazed confusion on their faces, their mouths hung partially open as they looked on in amazement. I had almost forgotten the reaction the Cullen's had on the rest of the population it was strange to witness it again after all this time. I would have thought college boys would have a little bit more maturity than the ones at high school but if anything, they seemed worse. I heard someone whistle just as we got into class, I rolled my eyes as I took a seat next to Alice, I couldn't see Maria yet.

"Doesn't it bother you?" I asked Alice quietly as the rest of the room's gaze fell on us.

"You get used to it, after a while it becomes normal." She shrugged.

Somehow, I couldn't imagine having people constantly stare at me be normal, it made my skin crawl.

I saw Maria walk through the door; she was wearing a black ruffled mini skirt with thigh high boots and a long sleeved grey sweater. She looked unbelievably attractive, even next to Alice. However I couldn't help but wince, it was freezing out there surly what little she had on wasn't keeping her warm?

"Bella!" She all but screamed when she saw me. "You're back!"

I nodded smiling up at her.

"I'm feeling loads better. By the way, this is Alice, Alice this is Maria. Alice just transferred from Roosevelt in Chicago." They both smiled at one another.

"You're a long way from home." Maria remarked, taking a seat to the left of me.

"I'm not from Chicago, I was just studying there. I'm from Forks, Bella and I went to high school together."

"Oh." Maria, wasn't even looking at Alice, she was too busy looking at something on her cell phone. "Oh my gosh! Bella, did you hear about Shawn Patterson? He was arrested!"

"What?" I feigned surprise, my heart picked up a notch. Of course I already knew this, it had been Edward and Jasper's doing. I felt Alice place a cool hand on my arm.

"Arrested! Apparently, he was involved in a hit and run last year, they got an anonymous tip last Friday and everything matched up so they took him in to custody. It's crazy! I mean I _know _Shawn, I would never have known."

"Wow." I looked away; my face grew red as I saw a dozen pairs of eyes looking my way. At least in Forks people were used to Alice, this was just ridiculous!

Mrs Elliston entered the classroom calling for silence, then immediately delved in to today's lecture. I tried to keep my mind on what she was saying, taking notes at the appropriate parts but I just couldn't concentrate. I keep thinking about the poor kid who Shawn had killed while drunk. I was glad he would be punished for what he had done, I guess in a way him attacking me was a good thing, if he hadn't Jasper and Edward would never have found out what he had done and he'd still be a free man while the dead boy's parents had no justice for their child's death.

Lunch was an extremely awkward affair, Maria and I always went to the little deli on Emerson Street but of course, Alice had come along also. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as Maria glared at Alice, who was staring silently out the window; she hadn't brought anything to eat.

"So…" Maria said loudly, clearing her throat. "How are you finding Seattle?"

Alice looked away from the window, her eyes settling on Maria a large smile situated on her angelic face.

"It's great, especially seeing Bella again." Was her simple reply, her smile did not falter.

"So how come you two are living together again?" Maria scowled.

I was oblivious as to why Maria was being so rude to Alice. All morning she had been snide and distasteful. To my knowledge, Alice had done nothing to upset her, in fact she had been nothing but pleasant and friendly.

"I had a spare room and offered to let Bella stay, I'm charging her less than she was paying and her room's much bigger plus I get to hang out with my best friend again. It's a win-win situation." Alice explained politely. She didn't show a hint of annoyance, if I were her, I would have slapped Maria already.

"How nice for you." The words were bitter.

I coughed loudly then rose to my feet; I'd had enough of this already. I said goodbye to Maria when we reached campus, she wasn't in our next class and by god was I glad. Part of me knew that she was jealous of Alice, she had been the prettiest girl on campus until now, it wasn't her fault there was no way she could better a vampire it just wasn't possible. This however didn't make her behaviour any less annoying.

"How was your day?" Edward asked me when we got home.

"Terrible!" I cried in exasperation. "First it was everyone staring then it was everyone talking about Shawn and to top it all off Maria decided to hate Alice and be a complete bitch all morning. It sucked. Oh yes and then there was my wonderful C minus." I collapsed onto the couch exhausted and grumpy.

Edward made his way to my side; he kissed my forehead tenderly then took my hands in his own.

"Bella, my love, it's over now." He said softly, squeezing my hands lightly.

I smiled relaxing a little. It was over now and instead of being stuck at college, I was here with Edward. There was no point in stressing over what had already happened.

"Your right." I got to my feet. "I'm going to shower, won't be long." I kissed him before I made my way upstairs, the worst was behind me. The week could only get better.


	9. Holidays

**9. Holidays **

"I can't do this to her, not after everything she's been through."

"You're going to have to Edward, she need's to know what to expect."

Silence.

"Edward, we know you love her, that you would do anything to protect her but keeping this a secret it will only hurt her, you know that."

"I do, yet it's because I love her so, that telling her you had a vision of her as a soulless monster is a difficult thing for me to do. You don't think me divulging this information to her isn't going to hurt her?"

Sigh.

"It won't hurt her half as much as you keeping the truth from her and you know we won't let anything happen to her."

"I know that also but neither of you could possibly understand my dilemma. There was a time when Bella dreamed of becoming one of us, what if she still wants that? I don't think I could bare it…"

"Edward... what Bella wants is her decision you can't choose her life for her, she's not a little girl and the decision is hers to make. You may not like what path she chooses but please remember it is hers to choose and if you truly love her you will stand by her whatever her choice."

"It is her choice but we aren't talking about what to have for dinner, whether or not to skip class, this is death. There is no coming back from that. She doesn't yet understand the enormity of it. The severity of the process. I couldn't stand by and watch her suffer."

"You're getting ahead of yourself. She hasn't chosen yet, it may not even happen but nonetheless she still needs to know what Alice saw. Regardless of what she picks, Edward rest assured it will not be by Victoria's hand."

"All right." There was defeat in his voice and I knew the conversation was over.

I rolled over, turning my back to the door. I didn't want him to know I'd been listening, he thought I was still sleeping. I shut my eyes knowing I wouldn't hear him enter the room. Living in a house full of vampires I never knew what to expect. I would be eating breakfast in the kitchen alone, then I would turn and someone would be standing right behind me. Luckily for me they all had great reflexes so the many bowls and plates I'd dropped had been saved. I felt the bed beside me shift; he was already laying beside me.

"Bella, my love?" Edward asked softly. I could hear the angst in his voice. Maybe I should just tell him I had heard the entire conversation and save him the pain.

I turned to face him, shocked by just how close he was to me. His eyes were swimming with emotion and had he had the ability to cry I suspect there would be tears in his eyes right now. His lips were set in a harsh line, there was no familiar lop sided grin, not even a slight curve on his mouth at all. I felt my heart ache for him.

"I need to tell you something."

I nodded and he continued.

"Alice saw something… She saw you as a… as a vampire." The last word was choked out as if it brought him great pain to pass it from his lips.

"Was it Victoria?" I already knew the answer.

"We don't know. Alice's vision it was… _unclear_. She was only able to see glimpses not the entire event."

I bit my lip. Three years ago, I wanted nothing more than to be like Edward. To live for all eternity and to spend it by his side. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. On one hand spending my life as a human, getting older while Edward remained the same it broke my heart. How could I look at myself in the mirror as an old woman and then see his never changing face? I know I couldn't stand that. However to be a vampire. To live forever, to only drink blood, never able to be seen in the sunlight. To never see my family again… not that I ever saw much of them anymore anyway yet to not have the option I really didn't know how I felt about that. I could think of thousands of advantages though, being strong, graceful, fast, beautiful, immortal, to have Edward forever to be able to be with him, really _be _with him.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes… I was just thinking."

Edward let out a long breath, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. I knew he hated the idea of me being a vampire, I knew he thought of himself as a monster and didn't want to see me as that also. I used to think it was because he didn't want to be with me forever but now I knew that wasn't the case. He loved me just the way I was, human.

"Bella… you don't understand what it's like, eternity. The human mind can not comprehend such a theory; it is only when you live it that you truly understand. I have watched every human I care about die while I remain untouched by time. I have seen a century go by, seen so many changes, so many terrible things and still I have remained the same. You have no idea what it's like to be forever seventeen, it's a curse. Most humans perceive me as a child, I can't ever be normal. Can't ever have the life I dream of having with you and it tears me apart. I want us to marry, to have children and to grow old together. I want to take you to the beach and bask in the sun's warmth. I would do anything just to be human again yet you wish to forfeit your humanity and for what? Being a vampire isn't what you think it is, Bella…"

I scowled at him. He had just delved straight into his lecture not even letting me explain my thoughts, hadn't even asked _what _my thoughts were. He didn't know what I wanted. I didn't want to be a vampire, not right now anyway. I just wanted him.

"Edward, I know what being a vampire entails because I see it everyday. In case you have forgotten, I live with three of them. If I were ever to give up my humanity, it would be for you. To be with you. I am completely totally and utterly in love with you and the thought of growing old and seeing you not change at all it breaks my heart but as of yet I'm happy to be human, so please spare me the lectures." I huffed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lecture you but I love you too much to watch you die…"

"I wouldn't die, Edward…"

"Yes Bella, you would die. You would spend three days burning alive, all the while conscious of the excruciating pain crushing your soul and when the pain stops your heart will stop beating and you will die. You won't be the woman you are now. Your body will be cold, your eyes blood red and all you will be able to think about is your unquenchable thirst, all you will want to do in the beginning is drink."

"Stop! I've already said I'm happy being human, so just stop! You don't have to convince me okay! It's not like I'm going to go to Victoria and say, 'hey your evil and want to kill me but how about you turn me into a vampire instead, won't that be fun?' No I don't think I'll be doing that anytime soon."

"I didn't mean that, I just want you to know the facts. So there is no doubt in your mind. It may not be Victoria who try's to change you. I love you with all that I am. I love your heartbeat and your warmth, I love your eyes, I love how your hair smells of strawberries and how you are staggeringly beautiful without trying to be so, I love you as a human. I love how you've grown in the three years we were apart I'm not saying I wouldn't love you as a vampire, I would love you no matter what but I couldn't bare you to regret it. In a hundred years time when you've lost everyone you ever knew to tell me you wish I'd stopped you, that you wish you could be human again. I wish I had that chance Bella and sometimes I hate Carlisle for what he did but I know I didn't have a chance if he hadn't done what he did I would have died there was no hope for me, there is for you."

"Edward…" I sighed. "I understand, I do. Right now, I am content with us the way we are. I'm not saying that one day I might want more, might want forever but until that day you can have me human. Okay?"

He ran a hand through his hair messing it up just slightly; his mouth was still in the harsh line, his eyes still full of emotion. He looked tired. I felt bad; it seemed I was just making this harder for him. It wasn't as though I was trying to do it, I just wanted him to know I wasn't actively seeking to be turned if it happened… then I guess I could live with it. I would have Edward, Alice and Jasper and I suspect the rest of the Cullen's also.

"It isn't just that I don't want you to be a vampire, Bella. You're in immense danger from Victoria, maybe even from someone else we don't know about. I just want to keep you safe."

"I know and I'm sorry. Thank you for letting me know, I appreciate it and I trust you to keep me safe, safe from whatever you think is a danger to me."

He smiled then and I felt myself smiling with him, grateful that his beautiful lips were no longer in that horribly harsh line.

"What would you like to do today, my love?"

It was Saturday morning. Alice and I had been attending classes for the past two months, it was now December and the start of the Christmas holidays. I had today and tomorrow before I headed down to Jacksonville to spend a few days with my mother and Phil, then I would spend Christmas with Charlie in Forks.

We had agreed that only Edward should come with me to Jacksonville, there was too much risk of exposure with the constant sun as for Forks we weren't quite sure. I had already told Renée about Edward and as suspected she hadn't kicked up much of a fuss, at first she had been concerned but it didn't take me long to talk her round but Charlie was another matter entirely. We were still mulling over the details, I wasn't sure if I should tell him about Edward I really didn't want to open that can of worms. It would be easy to have Edward stay at his old house, he could come over at night when Charlie was sleeping and I would avoid any confrontation at all but the thought of only spending nights with him depressed me greatly. After all, we were living together now, we spent all our time together except for when I was at class or he was hunting.

"Let's just lay here." I replied snuggling closer to him.

I could feel his icy body even through the sheets, there were times when I wished he could hold me, _really_ hold me. I would wish that he was warm and soft, that kissing him would be easy, he wouldn't have to control himself anymore. I knew we could never have that and I had accepted it but that didn't mean I couldn't wish.

"Some music?" He asked softly, kissing the top of my head before crossing the room to his record collection, he selected one placing it carefully onto the player then manoeuvred the needle lowering it onto the vinyl.

The familiar gently notes of Claude Debussy's Clair de lune began to drift through the room sending me into a state of tranquil peace. I closed my eyes taking the music in, letting it calm my mind. Within seconds, it was all I was thinking of, all my worries forgotten.

I felt Edwards long fingers brush through my hair, felt his cool breath on my cheek and then his lips brush against mine, he pulled back briefly before they made contact again sending little shivers down my spine. I leaned into him, pressing my body into his as much as I could. His lips against mine and the soft melody of the piano lulled my mind into a state of hibernation. I cupped my palm against his marble cheek pulling away to study his face. He smiled back at me his eyes were dark but not quite black just yet, he was to hunt on Sunday night before we flew to Jacksonville.

We lay together, staring into each other's eyes for what felt like hours, just holding each other, being near one another it was all either of us needed. I felt content in his presence. My mind began to wander and soon it drifted back to eternity. He had told me the human mind could not comprehend it and I believed him. The expanse of time was so great, it went on and on for forever never ending, never faltering. When there was nothing left, when everyone else was gone, time would still exist and so would Edward. There was something unexplainably romantic about the thought of Edward and I living through eternity together. I could see us standing side by side as everything else changed, staring longingly into each other's eyes. However as well as the romance there was a solitude and emptiness which frightened me, to have everything you know change, disappear until everything you remembered was gone, everything familiar decimated…

"It's moments like these, when you get that look on your face that I wish I could read your mind." He blinked lazily, tapping my temple lightly.

"Hmm, why's that?" I asked in return.

"You must be thinking something magnificent and I feel as though I'm missing out." He smiled my favourite smile.

"Nothing magnificent, just speculating, silly little thoughts really. There isn't much to miss out on but you on the other hand, I would give anything to get a glimpse inside your head. The thing's you've seen and done I'd imagine it would be quite an experience."

"Yes, I'd imagine so, not all of it has been pleasant though."

"Nor has everything I've seen." I replied to him.

"I don't doubt that but I think for different reasons than my own."

I let out a long breath stretching out. My stomach grumbled and I suddenly realised I hadn't yet eaten, what time was it? I looked over to the clock, the bright red numbers told me it was after one in the afternoon. We had been laying here for over four hours.

"I think it's time for lunch." I told him before getting slowly out of bed. I hated leaving the warm comfort but food was a necessity, had it not been I would have stayed there all day.

. The rest of the day and weekend passed without much drama. Sunday night Edward left to hunt, I always hated when he was away and I spent another restless night alone. I would be exhausted on the plane tomorrow but it was a five hour flight so I would be able to sleep then. It was well after four when I began to drift off into a restless sleep. Nightmares disturbed what little sleep I got and by morning, all I wanted was to lay in bed, never having to move again.


	10. Jacksonville

AN:_This really isn't my best chapter. I couldn't get it right at all so I apologise, it's a little boring but it's necessary for the story to progress. Fear not the action is coming!_

__

I realise I have completely forgotten about disclaimers, I know it's a little late but here we go anyway.

Disclaimer -I do not own Twilight, if I did Edward would be mine and I'd be rich!

**1****0. Jacksonville**

It was eleven am and the plane was now making its way towards the runway. It would take us four hours to get to Jacksonville. Edward had planned it so we were to arrive at six pm EST; sunset was at five thirty so even if it were the sunniest day in December there would be no problems. Renée and Phil would pick us up at the airport, I was a little apprehensive. After all, it had been three years since she had seen Edward and he didn't look a day older. Alice had assured me everything would go smoothly and I wasn't to worry, as if I could do that!

I had been eating breakfast when Edward had returned from his hunting trip. He scowled in disagreement as he caught sight of the dark rings under my eyes. I had woke up in an extremely bad mood after only three hours of sleep. After showering, I only felt a little better. My body was sluggish and heavy, I looked forward to the flight at least I'd be able to rest.

We said goodbye to Jasper at eight thirty, the drive to the airport would take around thirty minutes and check in was two hours before our flight was to leave. Alice was to drive us, there was no point taking a cab and no doubt, she could get us there quicker anyway. We arrived five minutes early even though it was rush hour, I had come to realise all of the Cullen's drove like maniacs not just Edward.

We had taken off now, the plane was already flying high above the swirling white clouds, luckily for Edward there was no sign of the sun. The flight crew were making their rounds around the cabin offering passengers refreshments. I yawned loudly, resting my head on Edwards's cold shoulder. I was so tired I would probably be able to sleep on a concrete floor so Edwards shoulder posed no problems for me at all.

"Would you like me to wake you up for lunch?" He whispered softly in to my ear.

I shook my head; sleep was all I wanted right now.

"Okay," He placed a chaste kiss to my forehead. "Sleep well, Bella."

That was exactly what I did. As soon as I let my heavy eyelids slide closed I drifted effortlessly into a dreamless sleep, they were the best kind in my opinion. My dreams lately had been a source of unrest for me. If I wasn't having nightmares about Victoria, I was having them about Shawn and occasionally the otherworldly Edward. The Edward with the black eyes and the horrible twisted grin, the Edward who would stand by and let Victoria rip me to shreds, the Edward who would lead me deep within the forest and them leave me there. He was not my Edward and I had no idea where he had come from but I wished that he would just disappear.

It seemed like only seconds since I'd closed my eyes that Edward was gently shaking me awake. I opened my eyes groggily, it was dark outside now but I could see the millions of tiny lights not that far below us, had we began out decent?

"We're almost there, love." He smiled as I tried to tame my hair.

"I slept right through?"

"Yes, are you feeling any better?"

"Hmm, much. That's probably the best sleep I've had in a long time."

"No nightmares?"

"None." I smiled.

We departed and it didn't take us long to get through security and collect our luggage. I usually hated the carousels, trying to dodge everyone who was waiting, then attempting to grab a heavy suitcase from a moving object, trying to get it down without injuring anyone (myself included), it just seemed to put me in a foul mood. Luckily, Edward was here to do it for me, he made it look so easy. Gracefully he walked towards the machine, spotting our bags almost right away, he picked one off and then the other and that was it. Simple.

I felt my nerves begin to resurface as we got nearer and nearer to arrivals, I knew my mom and Phil were there, knew they would be judging us both. In Seattle things with Edward were simple; I had forgiven him for leaving me, as I knew the reasons behind it. No one else save Alice and Jasper knew of our past relationship or what him leaving had done to me. Although Renée had told me she would support me no matter what I knew she couldn't forgive Edward for what he had done to me. She had seen me in the months after his departure, seen how broken and lost I was. She could never understand how we felt for one another and I didn't really need her to, I just wanted her to accept us for what we were but I could tell as soon as we were alone the questioning and lectures would begin.

I grasped Edwards hand firmly as we came through the doors into the arrivals lounge. I spotted my mom, Phil and my baby sister who had grown so big since the last time I had seen her. I felt a pang of guilt wishing I had taken the time to be more involved in her life. When I was younger, I had always wanted a sibling and now that I had one, I wasn't putting any effort in at all. How hypocritical of me.

"Bella!" Renée screamed when she caught sight of me, she jumped up and down on the spot for several seconds before rushing towards me and throwing her arms around me.

"Hey, mom, it's nice to see you." I gasped, trying to breathe despite the constriction around my chest.

"Oh baby, I've missed you so much!" She kissed my forehead sloppily causing me to grimace at her behaviour.

My mother and I had been extremely close during the years I had lived with her in Phoenix but when I had left for Forks we began to slowly drift apart and then when Edward left it seemed our relationship just died on us. I guess the blame fell on my shoulders I was too heart broken to make the effort and the thought of leaving Fork's to visit was unconceivable, what if Edward was to return when I was gone? My logic was ridiculous.

"You remember Edward?" I asked, pulling away from her. Of course she remembered him but as of yet she hadn't paid him any notice at all.

"Yes, of course." Her tone was bitter but she smiled at him regardless.

"It's nice to see you again, Mrs Dwyer." Edward announced, extending his hand towards her.

"Please, Edward call me Renée." She shook his hand, her mood seemingly lightening towards him. Edward could charm just about anyone however, I could think of one exception to that rule and he went by the name of Charlie Swan.

We made our way over to Phil who was waiting patiently with Rose who was in her buggy. She looked so adorable in a cute little lilac sundress dotted with fuchsia poppies. My mom was always saying how Rose looked exactly like me when I was a baby. She had the same chestnut hair and big chocolate brown eyes, she wasn't as pale as I was but I guess she got that from Phil.

"Hey Phil, nice to see you again." I hugged my stepfather warmly.

"It's great to see you too kiddo, we were beginning to think we'd never see you again!" He laughed returning my hug.

"Phil, this is Edward. Edward this is my stepfather Phil." I introduced them.

"Pleased to meet you sir." Edward said politely as they shook hands.

"I've heard a lot about you son."

"Oh! Edward this is my baby sister, Rose. Rose say hello to Edward."

Edward smiled brightly kneeling down in front of her buggy so that he was at her level, he reached his finger out to her and she promptly grabbed a hold of it.

"Hello." He smiled.

"Boo!" She giggled causing everyone else to laugh.

"Rose, say hello to Edward." I encouraged.

She put her lips together making the cutest little pout I had ever seen, her face screwed up tight as if she was thinking real hard then her gorgeous little face broke out in a huge grin.

"Ha-lo Ehword." She giggled prompting another burst of laughter from the grownups.

"Last time I saw her all she could say was 'baa', how old is she now? Eighteen months?" I asked, feeling a swell of pride over the progress my little sister was making.

"Yeah, sweetie, you haven't seen her in so long, you really have to visit more often." Renée answered.

"I promise I will." I nodded in agreement; I'd already missed so much.

It took us around forty minutes to get from Jacksonville International to Jacksonville Beach where Renée and Phil lived. It was after eight now and I could barely keep my eyes open, I had dozed off on Edwards shoulder more than once during the short car journey. After travelling all day, Renée fully understood when I told her all I was capable of right now was sleep and although all I had eaten all day was breakfast, I was strangely not hungry.

The next morning I woke early in Edwards arms. Soft light filtered in through the window stinging my bleary eyes. I grinned sheepishly at Edward who was staring at me with a look of complete adoration. I kissed him lazily for a few moments, our lips working together in perfect harmony. However, it didn't take long for my very empty belly to remind me it had been over twenty-four hours since I had last eaten.

Breakfast was scrambled eggs on toast with sausage and bacon. I scoffed it hungrily before helping myself to seconds. The day passed by leisurely, I felt content being around my family for the first time in many months. The last time I had visited, I remember feeling so out of place, like I didn't really belong. I don't know if it was Edward's presence which was comforting me or some other factor I hadn't considered but whatever it was I was glad to finally be_ Bella_, the girl I remembered from so long ago but had become so lost to me.

Edward and I went to bed early, between Renée, Phil and Rose we had no time to ourselves and although I was happy to spend time with them I still wanted some time alone with Edward. Just the two of us. I got ready for bed in the bathroom, pulling on the black pyjama pants and white tank top that I was to sleep in before returning to the spare room where Edward was waiting. He was already lying in bed, on top of the covers with his eyes closed. He had a peaceful look on his face and if I didn't know any better I would think he was sleeping. I switched the light off climbing silently into bed next to him; I didn't get under the covers just yet instead pressing myself up against his side. When my eyes finally adjusted to the gloom, I could see him staring back at me a look of bemusement on his handsome face.

"You'll get cold." He smiled through his words, wrapping an arm around me.

"I don't care." I returned his smile happily, nuzzling closer into him.

Something's were worth a little bit of cold, being close to Edward like this was one of those things.

"Just for a little while, then." He replied, resting his forehead on top of mine. I heard him take a deep breath, smelling my hair.

We lay in contentment for a while, me slowly slipping out of consciousness, until the cold became too much and I began to shiver. I sighed deeply knowing it was time for the warmth the duvet would bring me, hating the fact that I couldn't just lay here with him. Our relationship was so restricted; there were so many rules and regulations to comply with that we couldn't just enjoy each other. We both had to be so careful with one another.

"I'll still be here." Edward whispered reassuringly, sensing my displeasure.

"It's not the same Edward." I huffed, pulling the duvet back and getting underneath. I was glad for the warmth but wished desperately that I didn't need it.

"You would rather be cold?" Edward asked.

"No, it doesn't matter. I'm tired now anyway." I rolled over; it was stupid of me to blame Edward for my being cold. He couldn't help what his body temperature was anymore than I could but I was frustrated.

"Don't be that way, Bella."

"What way?" I snapped, rolling back to face him. "Is it too much to ask to be able to be held by you without having to be wrapped up in a blanket? To be able to kiss you, _kiss_ you Edward, properly the way I _want_ to. To be able to _be _with you. I'm twenty-one years old and I've never been with anyone. My god the closest I got was **Shawn **and I wouldn't really count that, would you?" I ranted.

"Stop it." He said coldly, getting up from the bed. He turned his back to me taking several steps towards the window. "You know we can never do those things Bella."

"Why not!" I asked in frustrating, pulling myself into a sitting position.

"Because we can't!" His voice was angry and stern.

"Oh for pity's sake Edward, because we can't? What kind of excuse is that? We're in a relationship, we love each other. I _trust_ you."

"I don't." He whispered morosely. "I wouldn't be able to control myself, if I lost myself in you Bella, truly lost myself I wouldn't be able to be careful with you." His head was hung and I could hear the regret in his voice.

"I'm not as fragile as you think."

He laughed in response. It wasn't the light carefree laugh he usually had, this one was _dark_ and it scared me.

"You have no idea what I'm capable of Bella, have you forgotten James?"

I flinched unconsciously remembering how easily he had broken my leg, his foot stepping down on it, snapping it like a twig. Nausea rolled over me bringing bile to the back of my throat, I remembered James vividly.

"You're not James." I choked the words out, swallowing back the nausea.

"No I'm not, I would never intentionally hurt you but in essence we are the same. In strength and agility, we pose the same threat. I could break you so easily, Bella. I don't think you understand that yet. Do you remember our kiss, that first night? I exerted every single decimal of restraint I had to keep myself from hurting you and how well did I do?"

"You could have done a lot worse." I replied in defence. I knew he was right, deep down of course he was right but I wasn't ready to give up on this just yet.

"True but it was only a kiss and a pinprick of blood. I can't even begin to comprehend how you think this possible." He shook his head and my heart fell. I hadn't taken into account the blood. Of course there would be blood; it would be my first time.

"Is it so terrible for me to want a normal relationship with you?"

"We will never be normal, Bella.

_We would never be normal_. He was a vampire and I a human, what possibility for normality was there? I would never kiss him the way I wanted, or have him hold me the way I wanted. I would never get to be with him fully. Never. I lay back down, defeated.

My heart felt heavy in my chest. Being with Edward was like swimming against the current. A constant struggle not to be swept away, no matter how hard you tried you never made any progress. Regardless of how much we both wanted to move forward we were at a standstill. This was all I was going to get. Could I live with that? Careful kisses and guarded touches? I remembered the three years I had spent without him. The emptiness. I came to realise I would take anything I could get from him.

I smiled in comprehension as everything fell into place, beckoning him back to bed.

"What's so great about normal?" I asked, pulling him down next to me. He smiled his signature smile and my heart melted in my chest.

"Absolutely nothing." He replied and that was all I needed to hear.


	11. Nostalgia

_AN: I had this finished and ready to be posted ages ago but as you all know the site wouldn't let anyone log in for a while and I've been pretty busy these past few days but here it is!_

_I'd like to say thank you again to everyone who had been reviewing and everyone who adds this to they're alerts or favourites. You guys rock!_

**11. Nostalgia**

The next two days flew by and before I knew it, it was time to go home. I was more than a little sad to say goodbye to everyone but I left with the reassurance that I would visit again soon, I wouldn't put off seeing them again. The plane journey seemed longer than last time, perhaps due to the fact that I was actually conscious this time round. Alice and Jasper picked us up from the airport, I practically fell to the floor from the hug Alice gave me, it's a wonder she didn't break anything but I was glad to see her also. Who knew four day's could feel like such a long time?

I was to spend the night in Seattle before driving down to Forks tomorrow morning. I was not looking forward to the three and a half hour drive and returning to Forks with Edward seemed to make me more nervous than I had been about going to Jacksonville. Alice and Jasper were both coming with us; they were all going to stay in the old Cullen house. Nostalgia hung thick and heavy around me. As much as I wanted to see my father again I knew the memories Forks held for me. Memories of Edward and I, memories of the pain and heartache of his departure

I was glad to be home, to relax before leaving again tomorrow. Edward went to hunt with Jasper leaving Alice and me alone. I was glad to have her to myself I felt as though we hadn't been able to talk in a while.

"So, how was your week?" She asked excitedly as we both sat cross-legged on my bed.

"It was good, I hadn't realised how much I'd missed my mom until I saw her." I answered with a small smile.

"You've been keeping everyone at a distance." It was a statement not a question.

"I suppose I have." I replied with a sad sigh.

"We haven't really spoken about things… about after Edward left. I'll understand if you don't want to." Her voice was calm and soothing; the truth was I hadn't spoken to anyone about what life was like for me after Edward left, there was no one that would understand.

"I… I don't think words could explain what it felt like that day in the woods when he told me he didn't want me anymore, that he didn't love me… I can imagine death is much easier than having the knowledge that the one person in the whole world you are supposed to be with no longer wants to be with you. I was a wreck. I couldn't eat or sleep or breathe. Every single second was torture. I thought about death too many times to count but I had made a promise, besides what would Charlie and Renée do without me?" I mustered up a small smile. This was the first time I was letting this out. I had talked to Edward briefly about it but there was only so much I could tell him.

"I saw," Alice replied slowly. "I wanted so badly to come back, to comfort you and tell you it had all been a lie. You have no idea how much I hated Edward for the decision he had made but he's family and I had to stand by him."

I nodded. I didn't blame Alice at all; I suspect it would have been harder to know he was still out there somewhere, still in love with me, yet not being able to be with him… I swallowed thickly as the memories burned the back of my throat and tears began to well in my eyes.

"I tried my best to get on with life but I was so broken, just a shell. I had given my heart and soul to him. Interacting with people was a chore for me, I couldn't laugh or smile. People at school gave up trying after a while and I was glad, I had grown so tired of trying to mask my true feelings, being left alone was so much simpler. Charlie was so worried and I hated that I was putting him through such heartbreak, why must we both suffer? After graduation I couldn't stand it anymore and I left as soon as I had found a place to stay, Charlie didn't want me to go, didn't trust that I wouldn't harm myself but I told him leaving was the only way I could move on. Forks held too many bad memories. That first night in Seattle was almost as bad as the night Edward had left." I let the tears slide silently down my face as the memories bombarded me, overloading me with emotion.

Alice wrapped her slender arms around me, holding me in an embrace filled with so much love and tenderness that it humbled me. I sighed, letting her low hushes sooth me until I was calm again.

"I knew I had to let him go, knew I couldn't hold on to his memory for much longer but I couldn't stand the idea that I might forget him and I was breaking all over again. College helped me the most, meeting Maria… I had distanced myself from everyone in my life, my parents especially. It was nice to have someone again, I didn't tell her about Edward and that made things so much easier. I just blundered along; busying myself with coursework and my job helped me to forget the pain and emptiness." I took a deep breath shocked at how relieved I was to finally let everything out. I had been holding on to so much it had been suffocating me.

"Do you think if Edward hadn't come back that you would ever have been able to move on?" Alice asked placing her small hand over mine.

'_Time heals all wounds for you kind.'_

I remembered the words he had spoken to me more than three years ago; I doubt I would ever forget them. He had been gone so long before coming back into my life. _Three years_. Was that not time enough to heal? The hole in my chest had slowly begun to heal but I was still empty, I would always have been empty without him.

"I think I would have been able to live my life but I don't think I would ever have moved on. I was never going to be able to let go, never going to be able to love anyone except him."

"If I was ever to loose Jasper…" Alice began to say. I could see the pain in her eyes just thinking about life without her lover was bringing her. "I think I would be too selfish to live, I admire your courage, Bella. You're so much stronger than I am."

I laughed at the thought of me being stronger than Alice but her eyes pierced me with her serious stare and she shook her head slowly from side to side.

"I never stopped watching you. I saw how much you were hurting, how much you wanted to give up… but you held on for the people you loved, despite all the pain and heartache you were experiencing you didn't want to hurt anyone with your actions. I don't know how you managed to hold on to sanity, to be so selfless in such despair."

I felt the heat creep onto my face staining it with a light pink as I stared down at the bedspread, tracing the outline of a crescent moon that adorned the fabric. I had never thought of myself as a selfless person, nor did I consider myself strong in anyway. I had clung to sanity with the tips of my fingers over the last few years.

"I clung to it, if I hadn't I would have fallen into the darkness again and I couldn't have survived that, not again."

Alice and I had talked a little longer before I went to make dinner; I was still operating on Eastern Standard Time thus putting me three hours ahead of everyone else. It was only eight when I climbed into bed but my eyes stung from fatigue. It only took seconds for me to fall asleep, totally drained not just from travelling all day but from the emotional exhaustion also. It had felt great to bare all to Alice but had also taken a lot of strength for me to do so. I slept right through despite the lack of Edward's presence, which had become something of a comfort blanket for me.

In the morning, all four of us set off for Forks. Alice and Jasper were taking Alice's much-loved Porsche followed by Edward and me in my little Ford. Edward had insisted he drive, saying he couldn't stand my 'human internal speed limit', his way of saying I drove too slow for his liking. I wasn't going to complain, I knew he could get us there much faster than I could, plus vampire reflexes were far greater than my puny human responses.

It also gave me the opportunity to truly appreciate the drive. Once we were passed Port Angeles and were driving through Olympic National Park next to Lake Crescent, I began to really appreciate the gifts nature had bestowed upon us. I was in awe at how beautiful this place was and even more so by the fact that I had never noticed it before now.

It was only another twenty minutes before we were pulling up at the turnoff to the old Cullen place. Edward brought the car to a slow stop, turning the engine off before turning to look at me.

"It's probably best you go the rest of the way alone, someone might see me if I go into town." He said softly, his eyes a beautiful pool of butterscotch.

"Are Alice and Jasper here yet?" I asked. I assumed so; we hadn't passed them on the way.

He nodded in response then he turned, his fingers grasping the door handle yet he made no attempt to leave.

"Bella…" He whispered, still facing away from me.

"Yes?"

"There's a loose floorboard in your room, you'll find something that belongs to you under it."

I didn't have time to ask him what he meant before he got out of the car and disappeared in a blur of colours. I stared after him for a few moments before scooting over to the driver's side and restarting the engine.

I pulled up in the driveway behind Charlie's police cruiser, instantly wishing I were in my truck. There were some memories of Forks that I was glad to have and my faithful red Chevy was one of them. I didn't need to use my key in the door, as it was already open. Another wave of nostalgia hit me as I remembered all the times Edward had walked me to this door…

"Charlie?" I called out, dumping my bag at the foot of the stairs.

He came out from the kitchen, a huge smile on his face as he saw me standing there in the hallway.

"Bells!" He threw his arms around me in a hug so un-Charlie like that I wondered if something was wrong. "It's great to have you home." He said pulling back, a hint of pink tinting his cheeks.

"It's great to be back." I grinned.

We went into the kitchen, which hadn't changed the slightest in the past three years, where Charlie proceeded to make me a cup of tea, which surprisingly tasted really great. I knew he was capable of taking care of himself, I'd been gone a while now and even before then he had lived alone for years when I lived in Phoenix with Renée.

"How was Jacksonville?" He asked, taking the seat across from me at the old square oak table.

"It was great, Rose is getting so big!" I beamed at him. "Renée sends her love." I relayed the message my mother had given me just before I had left yesterday.

Charlie nodded, taking another sip in silence. I knew he still loved my mom but I also knew he was happy for her. He had never been able to find someone new and I sometimes worried about him out here all on his own.

"How was the drive up here?" He asked after a few more moments of silence.

"It was good, not too much traffic."

I had begun to forget the stark difference between Renée and my father. In her house, there was always some kind of chatter going on, pointless chitchat or Rose jabbering away to whomever would listen but with Charlie, silence was acceptable. Comfortable. I had missed this.

I excused myself up to my room, setting my bag down on the small bed. My eyes flitted over to the rocking chair in the corner, the yellowing lace curtains hanging from the window, the ancient computer that used to drive me crazy. Everything so familiar to me yet still so foreign at the same time.

Remembering Edward's cryptic words from the car earlier, I got down on my knees on the floor searching for the loose board he had mentioned. It took me a moment but I found it, pulling it back gently to reveal what was buried beneath it. I took the contents out surveying them in disbelief. They were the things Edward had taken from me before he had left. The photographs of us, the tickets Esme and Carlisle had brought me and the CD Edward had made me, the one with my lullaby on it. I couldn't control the trickle of tears that were now falling down my face caused by the memories of the loss I had suffered. I had forgiven Edward almost instantly but nothing could erase the pain I still felt.

It took me a little while, just sitting on the floor, birthday presents from so long ago scattered around me, sobbing silently to myself but eventually I regained my composure, felling silly at my little emotional melt down. I gathered the photographs up taking them with me as I climbed up onto the bed. The first one was of Edward, sitting in the kitchen, his beauty had been captured perfectly, my breath caught a little as I stared down at it. The second was of Edward and Charlie watching sports on ESPN, the difference of Edward from the first picture was startling. His eyes were cold and guarded; this had been the beginning of the end. The last was a picture of Edward and I standing awkwardly side by side, it had been folded right down the middle, creating a harsh line between the Edward and me in the picture. Edward's face was cold and hard. I remembered folding that picture in half, disgusted at the obvious contrast between us both. He was beautiful beyond words and I was a plain, boring girl who didn't even deserve to be in his presence.

I put the pictures down, running a shaky hand through my hair. I had been a silly eighteen-year-old girl back then, awkward and shy with dreams for the future. I had sometimes dreamed about that girl just after Edward had left, about her optimism and her passion for life. Sometimes I missed her but I had grown since then. I had learned the cold harsh truth about life and I was no longer so naïve.

Edward climbed through my window not long after Charlie had gone to bed. He immediately spotted the photos on my bed averting his eyes from mine.

"You found them then," He said his voice was little more than a whisper.

"I did." I replied, patting a spot on the bed beside me.

He sat down without a word, running his long fingers through his hair. I could tell he was stressing about something. He was stiff, tension practically radiated off him in waves.

"What's wrong?" I asked simply.

He looked at me concern all over his face, his eyes searching mine for something he didn't know he was looking for.

"Emmett called me a little while ago, Kate from the Denali coven got in touch with them. She knows we've been searching for Victoria… she thinks a woman who passed through there yesterday might be her."

My stomached lurched and my heart jumped up into my throat. I felt a tight band squeeze against my chest, restricting my breathing. I had almost forgotten about Victoria. _Almost_.

"Is she sure?" My voice was thick with panic.

"No, nobody saw her but some folks from Anchorage saw a woman who looked like her in town and there's… a body."

"Then it must be her."

"It's more than likely," Edward nodded solemnly. "Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie are on their way here. If its Victoria we'll stop her, I promise she won't get anywhere near you, Bella." He took my hand in his as he said this.

"I trust you, Edward."

He pulled me onto his lap enveloping me in his strong, masculine arms. I rested my head on his chest feeling as safe as I could be. I knew Edward would do everything in his power to protect me, as would the rest of the Cullen's plus we had the added advantage of Alice's visions. If something was coming, we would see it. Of that, I was sure.


	12. Blind

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters, They belong to SM._**

_AN: Again sorry of the lack of updates, I've started on a new story which I'm extremely excited about at the moment, also I had a bout of bad writer's block._

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favourite or added to they're alerts. You guy's make writing just that little bit extra special._

_**12. Blind**_

_Slick bodies danced frantically around me, trapping me in a sweat-filled cell. I tried desperately to push passed my capturer's but to no avail, every time I thought I was almost out I was pushed roughly back amongst them by a faceless man. I panicked, my heart beating loudly in my ears. It was the only sound I could hear, was there no music or was I simply deaf to it. The dripping bodies continued to dance around me, brushing against me causing my stomach to twist in disgust. I tried again to make my escape pushing desperately against the human wall before me. The faceless man appeared again but this time he didn't try to push me back, instead he grabbed my wrists roughly dragging me towards a corridor at the back of the dark room. I screamed but my mouth emitted no sound, I thrashed, kicked, and pulled, trying to break away from this horrible being. My eyes grew wide as his face began to appear slowly his features becoming clearer with each passing second. It was Shawn and he was going to finish what he has started. His lips twisted into a terrible sneer as he threw me to the floor, my head connected with the wall causing a sickening crunch. My eyes snapped closed as the pain wracked trough my body, I though I might vomit._

_In an instant, everything had changed. Instead of the long dark corridor I was in a vast room full of mirrors… it was my old dance studio and before me, it was no longer Shawn. It was James. He smiled at me pleasantly, stalking towards me a camcorder held in his hand. He chuckled humorously at my crumpled body as I lay shaking on the floor. He couldn't be here… James was dead!_

"_You're going to pay, dear little Bella. She won't stop until she's spilled every, last, drop, of your blood."_

_I felt a shiver run down my spine. I knew instantaneously whom he was referring to. Victoria. She was going to find me and this time I wouldn't be so lucky._

_James continued advancing toward to me until he was towering over me his foot hovering over my leg, the same leg as before._

"_Please…" I heard myself beg pathetically._

"_Get ready for the end, Bella." Hs voice was perfectly sweet at though he had just told me to have a nice day but the look in his eyes told me otherwise._

_His foot came down on my leg and pain exploded into me, I screamed in agony as darkness began to take me in its grasp._

"Bella?" Edward was shaking me awake, his eyes wide with horror.

My throat felt raw and I was encased in a sheen of cold sweat. I couldn't get my body to stop shaking. I spluttered trying to get the words out, to warn him that James was here, that he was going to get me, but they would not come. I chocked on a sob, tears stinging my eyes.

"It's okay, shh, Bella, it was just a nightmare." He hushed, holding me close to him.

I froze, realisation dawning on me. _Just a nightmare_. Of course it was, James was dead, he had been for almost four years. The only kind of pain he could cast upon me was in my dreams. I sighed in relief, gripping tightly to Edward's shirt, even with this new information my body was still in shock and I continued to shake uncontrollably for the next ten minutes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Edward asked softly, after I had fully calmed down.

"It was just a nightmare." I whispered back. My eyes were heavy but I couldn't bear the though of going back to sleep.

Edward nodded in response; he hummed soothingly while he ran his hands affectionately through my tangled hair. He didn't broach the subject again and I felt undeniably gratitude towards him for it.

I don't know how long it took, I didn't even realised it had happened until I opened my eyes but I eventually fell back into a peaceful sleep, no more nightmares disturbed my slumber that night.

I woke early the next morning there was a soft glow penetrating through the lace curtains. It was Christmas Eve today, not that it held much meaning to me anymore. I hadn't been truly excited about Christmas since I was like… seven. Edward smiled at me warmly, bestowing upon me a slow, sensual kiss. His breath was sweet and pleasurable unlike my, probably, extremely revolting morning breath. I sighed softly, letting myself melt into him. When he pulled back, I felt extremely warm and fuzzy, despite his somewhat artic touch.

I rose quietly, walking slowly across the room to the small window. My eyes were met by a sea of white flooding the entire landscape for as far as I could see. Snow clung to the nearby trees, gracing them with even more beauty than they already held. A blanket of snow lay snugly on the ground, completely untouched by anything. Winter in Forks was much more beautiful than I could remember; when it wasn't raining that is. When it snowed in Seattle it didn't take long for the crisp white to be tainted into brown sludge, here however I had the chance to truly appreciate how breathtaking this place really was.

Just looking outside was giving me a chill so I made my way back over to the bed, practically throwing myself under the covers. Edward chuckled as he watched, never taking his eyes off me. I grinned sheepishly, the duvet pulled right up to my chin.

"You mesmerise me." He said softly.

I felt the heat creep up to my cheeks as I blushed furiously. I just stared into his eyes for what felt like forever, just taking him in. How could someone as beautiful and enthralling as him find me at all interesting, let alone mesmerising! I was speechless. How had I ended up with this perfect man before me?

"What have you got planned for today?" Edward asked me.

I shrugged, Charlie and I weren't all that caught up in the festive season, to be honest we treated it just like every other day.

"Breakfast, lunch and dinner." I grinned.

"Is that all you humans think about?" He returned my smile with a small chuckle.

"Not always, unlike vampires." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Would you mind terribly if I stayed here today, I'll be as quiet as a mouse, I promise. I just don't want to leave you by yourself with Victoria nearby."

"No, that's fine. I'd rather you were here too."

"Also, I'd be more at ease if you stayed in doors for the time being. Just until she's found. I don't want you to feel like a prisoner but, she's dangerous and I'm concerned."

I could see in his face he truly was concerned and truth be told I didn't really want to go into the freezing cold outside anyway. So it all worked out just fine.

"No problem, I don't really want Victoria to eat me." I replied.

"Good." Edward smiled back at me. "Now go and have some breakfast, your stomach is in protest."

I raised my eyebrow at the last part, I hadn't heard my stomach make any loud noises this morning, then again he was a vampire thus having super hearing and I was feeling rather peckish.

"Fine but I'll be back!" I reluctantly tore myself from the warmth of my bed, making my way downstairs to the kitchen.

"Morning, Bells." Charlie said, looking over his morning paper with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Good morning." I replied going to the cupboard to find something to eat.

Charlie always was a morning person. Sleeping passed seven was near impossible for him and although I too always was an early riser, it was never quiet like Charlie. During the summers I used to spend here when I was younger he would wake me at the crack of dawn insisting today would be a great day for fishing and that the sooner we went the better the catch. Of course being the clumsy disaster that I am I always tended to turn down these offers for fear of injury but there were the few rare occasions I would humour him and it had been fun, I missed doing things with my father. I would make more of an effort with him; maybe we could go fishing again.

I found a box of pancake mix and decided this as good a choice as any. I added the eggs and milk mixing the batter in the bowl until it was lump free then poured it into the frying pan. My mouth began watering as the delicious aroma wafted through the small kitchen. I made more than enough and Charlie was all too happy to help finish them all.

After breakfast, he told me he was going down to La Push for a couple of hours. Billy Black had invited him over to watch some sports, I didn't think they played any on Christmas Eve but what did I know? It all worked out just great anyway, now that Edward was spending the day with me.

"Hey there, stranger." I greeted him as I walked through the door.

He was sitting in the rocking chair (just like old times), reading a copy of Moby Dick, his face softened when he heard my voice and he quickly set the book down on the dresser making his way over to me.

"Did you enjoy breakfast?" He asked, kissing my lips tenderly.

"Mmm, you taste better." I mumbled into his lips, running my hand through his soft, bronze hair.

"I don't doubt that." He grinned pulling away from me.

"I'm going to get dressed."

I brushed my teeth and hair, quickly pulling on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved, plain olive shirt before returning to my bedroom. Edward had just fished his phone from his pant pocket; it was vibrating in his hand.

"It's Carlisle." He informed me before flipping it open.

"Edward." I heard Carlisle's voice coming faintly from the earpiece.

"Where are you?" Edward asked.

"We're at the house, Emmett and Jasper are in the woods looking for her now, and Alice hasn't seen anything yet."

"Why aren't you all looking, why only Jasper and Emmett?" Edward sounded irritated.

I couldn't hear the rest; Carlisle was talking far too quietly for me to hear. Edward nodded to himself listening intently before saying a quick goodbye.

"They're at the house now, Jasper and Emmett are out looking for Victoria, Esme and Rosalie are in town keeping an eye out and Alice is trying to see something, so far there's been nothing. Carlisle said he'll call if anyone finds her, I'll stay here until they do." Edward explained, making his way to my side. "Everything's going to be fine. There are seven of us and only one of her; the odds are in our favour."

I nodded. Just knowing she was near was making my skin crawl. I knew Edward wouldn't let anything happen to me but it didn't stop that nagging feeling in my stomach… like everything was going to go terribly wrong.

"I know." I gave him a weak smile.

Moments later his cell began to vibrate, he had answered it and was talking so quickly in a matter of seconds; I couldn't understand any of it. His face was hard, his eyes worried.

"I can't leave her!" He hissed so loudly it made me jump. "Emmett just _catch_ her!"

I stared at him wide eyed, totally in the dark as to what was going on.

"How far?" He swore softly and my eyes practically popped out of they're sockets. Never had I heard Edward swear, nor did I think I ever would, until now. "I'll call Alice." He hit the end call button before dialling again. "Alice, you need to be here. Now." His voice strong and demanding.

"Edward, what's going on?" I asked in confusion after he had hung up for a second time. He sighed heavily.

"They've found her but she's too far ahead, I'm faster than them, Bella. I swear I don't want to leave you but I can catch her, I _know _I can. Alice is on her way, she'll keep you safe." He explained.

My head was swimming. There was so much information to take in, so many emotions to deal with. I didn't want Edward to go, I couldn't stand being away from him but if they caught Victoria this would all be over and things would go back to how they were.

"Okay." I whispered my voice small and scared.

Alice arrived within minutes, all the while Edward would not stop pacing my room and I was slowly chewing my lip off. There was an awkward silence between us, one I had never felt before. I wanted to say something, anything but the words would not come. There was a lump in my throat now, which made swallowing painful. As I tried to contain my emotions Alice and Edward talked quickly, words flying out of their mouths faster than I could take in, I hated it when they did that, I felt as though I were being left in the dark.

"I have to go; she's already got a head start." He kissed my forehead tenderly and then turned to leave; I grabbed his arm stopping him in his tracks.

"Be careful." I whispered, a thousand words left unsaid.

"I will. I'll be back soon, love. I promise."

I nodded and then he was gone. The tears came soon after. I knew he could take care of himself, that he had his family to help him but it didn't stop the worry from consuming me.

"Alice?" I pleaded. "Can you see anything?"

The tiny girl closed he eyes, her face deep with concentration. After a moment or so, her features screwed up in frustration. She shook her head furiously.

"I can't see! It's not right… I know there's something to be seen but it's too hazy to make anything out. It's like someone's put frosted glass in front of my eyes, then when I look for you, there's nothing. Just static. I'm worried, this has never happened to me before." Her eyes were wide.

I had never seen Alice like this; she was always so calm and collective. Her worry only fuelled my own further, I felt as though I were going to hyperventilate. My chest my tight and painful, the lump in my throat seemed to have grown in size. If Alice couldn't see anything… what would happen to Edward?

Alice had taken up the same pacing as her brother; she was staring out the window searching for something that neither of us could see. Victoria was out there in the woods, Jasper, Emmett and now Edward were also out there; out of sight but definitely not out of mind.

Alice suddenly and unexpectedly froze her face shocked and confused.

"I don't understand…" She looked over to me her eyes wide and full of emotion.

"What?" I choked out the word like it was poison.

"I can smell… a vampire it's not any of the others. It's not Victoria… this isn't right. It's too close!" Alice shook her head, grabbing her cell phone from her pocket.

"I don't understand."

"I'm getting Edward back. I'm blind, Bella. I should have seen them by now. I can't protect you." She cried dialling the numbers before holding the phone to her ear.

She didn't get a chance to speak a word to Edward for at that precise moment a figure smashed through the window, shattering glass around the room. I screamed as tiny shards embedded themselves into my skin but the glass was nothing, for now there was a vampire in my room and his eyes were a deep scarlet. He stared at me his eyes exploring my body feely, he looked hungry and I was bleeding. My eyes turned to Alice who was also staring at me temporarily fixated by the smell of my blood. She shook it off quicker than the other vampire did, she was so used to ignoring the temptation of human blood, I could tell she was holding her breath and then she threw herself at him with a bone-chilling growl.

I began backing towards the door; my eyes were wide with fear, my heart hammering in my chest. I was in the worst situation I could be. Here I was bleeding all over the floor while two vampires fought in front of me, I felt like I'd gone back in time; back to Phoenix, to the dance studio and to James.

The snarling coming from Alice and the other vampire had grown in volume, I was worried about the pixie like girl but knew she could take care of herself if anyone was in danger here it was me. It was now or never, I had to leave. I had to leave right now.

I dashed for the door, not stopping to look back as I headed for the stairs. My hands were trembling and my breathing was coming in short gasps. As I got to the stairs I began to descend them as quickly as I possible could, not even bothering to slow down. I gripped the banister tightly, shaking so badly I could barely stand.

It all happened so fast I didn't have time to react. My hand slipped from the banister and I lost my footing on the last few steps tumbling to the floor. I felt the pain in my ankle as I pulled myself to my feet, it was most likely sprained but I didn't care. I had fallen down the stairs plenty of times, had ended up with much worse than a sprained ankle.

I heard Alice scream my name from my room above, I could hardly hear it from the thumping of my heart in my ears. I was debating whether to turn and go back upstairs, what if she needed me. Then again, what could I do to help her? I shook my head, it was best if I got out of here.

I took a step towards the door when it flew open, the door being ripped from its hinges by the sheer force of the impact. I stood in absolute horror unable to move. My eyes stared blindly at the figure before me.

She was even more terrifying than the version of her in my dreams. Her flame red hair was much more intense than I remembered. It was hanging loosely down her back; a few strands had fallen into her face. Her blood red eyes stared straight at me and a terrible shiver ran through my entire body. Her mouth was partially open so I could see her teeth, she took a deep breath inhaling the scent of my blood and then she grinned.

"Bella." Her voice was as smooth as honey, so silkily sweet.

I choked on whatever words I was about to say, I took a step backwards, away from her, a step towards Alice, who had called to me only moments ago. There was no point though; I would never make it up there in time before Victoria caught me. As I took another step towards the stairs, Victoria advanced on me. She wasn't stalking me like she had been in my dreams, she was merely walking normally, I didn't know what was more terrifying.

"You have no idea how long I have waited for this." She informed me, now only inches away.

"Alice is upstairs." I whispered but I could tell she had heard me and she laughed lightly, reaching her cold hand out to touch my face.

I pulled away disgusted by the very thought of her hands on any part of my body, of course this only seemed to amuse her and she reached out a second time, this time much too fast for me to avoid. I felt her icy fingers connect with my tender cheek, it wasn't a soft touch, it was rough and harsh.

She ran her fingers slowly down my cheek until she reached my chin; she grabbed it viciously her grin twisting into a sneer before she threw me full force across the small hall. I connected with the wall, my whole body exploding into pain from the collision. I slid down to the floor, crumpling into a pathetic heap at her feet. She crouched down next to me, her face swimming in front of my eyes as dark spots began to distort my vision. The same twisted sneer was on her full pink lips.

She forcefully picked me up; pushing me roughly against the wall, I had just crashed into. My heart was beating so fast now I feared it might explode from my chest.

"Get ready for the end, Bella."

My eyes widened in shock, my breathing ceased and I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a beat. Those words came straight from my dream, the words James had spoken to me just this morning. Victoria laughed callously before leaning in closely, her lips almost touching my ear.

"But first," She clarified. "Get ready for the pain."

She knocked my head forcible into the wall, I heard the crunch my skull made as it connected with it, saw her face in front of mine and then all that remained was darkness.


	13. Revenge

**Disclaimer: I am not SM, I didn't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.**

_AN: I am so, so very sorry about the long wait for this chapter, especially after leaving the last chapter the way I did. This was extremely hard for me to write. On top of that I have work and other things going on not to mention my chronic procrastination._

_Again thank you to everyone who takes the time to review, I love you guys, really it makes my day. Also to those who favourite or alert it._

_If you feel like it, check out my new story Vodka and Nicotine._

**13. Revenge**

I awoke to the smell of blood. My blood. I felt bile rise in my throat as my stomach twisted in repulsion. My head was pounding; I could feel the warmth of my blood seeping from the wound Victoria had inflicted. It was freezing in here; my hands were numb from the cold, my body shivering involuntarily. I cautiously opened my eyes exploring the surrounding room. It was small and grubby, the floor I was currently lying on was filthy, it matched the rest of the room perfectly. There was only one small window that allowed in a little moonlight from outside, grey concrete walls surrounded me on all four sides with a large metal door off to the left.

I scrunched my eyes together, wincing as I tried to sit up. My entire body ached however; the pounding in my head was the worst. I hesitantly touched my palm against the wound on the back of my head, it came away red, my stomach lurched and I vomited. The room was spinning, my mind was muddled.

How had I got here? Where was Edward? Why hadn't he stopped her? What had happened to Alice? Who was the other vampire? Where was Victoria? What was she going to do to me?

There was a loud grating sound of metal on metal, the door opened and then Victoria walked in. She was smiling at me as if I were her friend, as if she hadn't just kidnapped me and wasn't about to torture and kill me.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." She smirked as I flinched at the sound of her voice. "You've been unconscious for quite a while; I was beginning to get bored." She drawled, inspecting her fingernails as if to prove her point.

"Edward's going to find me." I said meekly, trying my hardest to stare into her crimson eyes.

She erupted into bitter laughter taking a few steps towards me. She looked so in control, which surprised me, I knew I was bleeding yet she didn't seem to care. Maybe she had just eaten.

"I doubt he will." She sneers at me, tossing her flame red hair behind her shoulder.

"Why, don't you remember what he did to James?"

I can see the change in her posture immediately, she was acting casually before but now she stood straight and rigid. He eyes narrowed in my direction, I could tell I had hit a nerve.

"Don't you think I've planned this you stupid girl? I've been waiting so long for this, waiting for just the right time. There is _nothing _I haven't thought of, your animal loving boyfriend won't find you, at least not until it's too late."

"Alice will see something." I said in defence, my mind was in overdrive, what if she's right? What if Edward doesn't save me this time?

She laughed for a second time, this time louder and full of mock.

"Do you know what James' downfall was? He underestimated the Cullen's. He thought he was smarter and stronger than all seven of them and he was wrong. James never was one for planning, I on the other hand… Alice didn't see me coming, did she Bella? Why do you think that was?"

I stared at her blankly; my mind was still foggy from the blow to my head. I vaguely remembered being in my room with Alice, she had told me she was worried… that she should have seen something. So why hadn't she?

"I… I don't know." I stuttered uncomprehendingly.

"All she would see was static. All Edward would be able to hear when he tried to read someone's thoughts would be static. The vampire in your room was Nathaniel; he has a gift, a very special gift. You see Nathaniel has the ability of interference. He can block other vampire's abilities, not completely; he can just _interfere _with them so that they become jumbled and meaningless; just static to the user. Edward would know someone was thinking something he just wouldn't be able to hear passed the static, just as Alice would know there was something she could see but it wouldn't be clear enough for her. Their powers are useless against him, which gives me the advantage." She explained calmly.

That made sense… Alice had said she had known there was something but it had been too hazy to see. If that was the case Alice wouldn't know where I was but that didn't mean they couldn't find me. They could follow my scent, or Victoria's.

"They'll follow my scent, they'll find me, I know they will."

I had to believe it; I had to believe that this wasn't the end. Edward had just come back into my life; I didn't want this to end so soon. If she had come for me after Edward had left me in that forest I would have welcomed death but now I would fight. I wouldn't make this easy for her.

"Your scent is long gone and none of them are good enough at tracking to find our trail, trust me Bella I took all the necessary precautions to assure you and I are left in peace."

I scoffed at her words, like I considered being in a room with a psycho vampire being left in peace. It didn't matter what she said, I knew Edward would find me, he wouldn't give up.

"He'll find me." I whispered to myself.

She was right in front of my face before I could even blink, her red eyes boring into my own chocolate ones. Her breath was just as sweet as Edwards as it wafted over my face. She sneered a look of pure evil crossing her face.

"No one is coming, Bella. Not this time."

Her cold hand closed around my neck pulling be roughly to my feet, her grip stopping the air from reaching my lungs sending panic flooding through my veins, my eyes were wide as she threw me against the hard concrete wall.

"Your blood is almost irresistible," She growled, her lips barely an inch from my ear. "But I have plans for you much greater than draining your blood."

I spluttered trying to draw some much-needed oxygen into my burning lungs but her grip was much too strong, crushing my windpipe. Black spots began to dance in front of my eyes and everything was beginning to grow dark, I knew I was about to pass out but maybe it was better that way. Being unconscious for as long as possible seemed like a better option than being awake for whatever she had planned for me, of course I knew that she wouldn't allow me that indulgence and slowly her grip loosened.

I gasped drawing in as much oxygen as my body would allow, taking quick, short breaths so as to ease the pain in my chest. My vision cleared to reveal Victoria's smug face and somehow I could tell this was only the beginning, my heart pounded in my chest.

"Please stop!" I screamed, the pain washed over me and as much as I tried to hold back my cries, they forced themselves out.

It felt as though my whole hand was on fire, how many was that now, three? The noise my fingers made when she snapped them out of place was sickening; the nausea was overwhelming, the room spinning uncontrollably. Hot tears stained my cheeks as I gasped over and over, sobs shaking my body, which only proved to make the pain worse, if that was even possible.

"That's right Bella, beg." She towered over me, as I lay slumped on the cold, hard floor.

A blood-curdling scream pierced the silence as her foot came down on my broken hand, darkness threatened to swallow me then, bile rose in my throat and vomit spilled from my mouth. The pain was too much I felt as though I was about to die. Please God let it stop. It was all I could think. Let it stop. Let the pain stop.

The memory of James came into my head; his foot had snapped my leg just as Victoria's was now crushing the bones in my hand. The three fingers she had already broken were exploding, white hot agony searing through them as she slowly, torturously applied more pressure, another sickening crunch and I was sure every bone in my right hand was broken.

I almost laughed in hysteria as I remembered how James had chosen to film his attack, as twisted as it was I thought I would have preferred that it was him right now I remembered how the scent of my blood had affected him, knew he would have bought me a quick death but it seemed as though Victoria was impervious to it's call. How much more of this could I endure? I didn't know.

I looked up just in time to see her foot connect with my face; I was unprepared and caught off guard. My head snapped back as my cheekbone shattered, blood seeped down my face and for a moment, I could see her eyes cloud over in thirst, how long could she ignore it? How much blood would it take? When would this be over?

I didn't want to give up, in the back of my mind all I could see Edward's face, it was blurry and far away but it was there. I thought about the past few months with him and it made my heart ache. We had got to be together, after three years he had come back to me and no one could take that way from me, I didn't want this to be the end but there was a part of me that knew our relationship had to end. I was human; fragile and he was a vampire, immortal and strong. I was always going to die, I just though I had a little more time than this.

I thought of Charlie and Renée, how devastated they would be to learn I was dead. I though of Rose and how she would grow up not knowing her big sister but my mind always returned to Edward, to his devastatingly beautiful face, his velvet voice, the way he looked at me like I was all there was in the world…

Victoria's cold breath blew into my face, as she bent over me, her eyes told me she was loosing control, I couldn't help the part of me that hoped she would. Maybe Edward would get to me in time but if he didn't I wanted her to just finish me; I couldn't stand the pain much longer.

"Do you remember what vampire venom feels like?" Her words sounded so soft I wonder if she had spoken them at all. "The scar on your hand, James gave it to you; do you remember how it felt to have fire flowing through your veins?" Her laugh was soft as she rose to her feet, taking several steps away from me.

"Your face is a picture."

I let my eyes drift closed, too tired to hear anymore of what she had to say. I remembered all too well the brief experience I had with vampire venom; I hoped to god she wouldn't use it as a new form of torture. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear a voice, Victoria's voice. I didn't have the strength to open my eyes. A new pain was now forming somewhere in my body, my mind was too foggy to identify the source, everything hurt so much it was just one more thing to add to the list.

"I said open your eyes!" My eyes snapped open as her hand connected with my broken cheekbone, a fresh wave of tears fell as the pain blinded me.

"Edward…" My voice was hoarse and raspy; I hadn't even meant to say his name.

"He's not coming, don't you get that you pathetic bitch?" She chuckled to herself.

"He's going to kill you." I let out a single humorous laugh my eyes staring into hers. The grin that spread over her face sent a chill down my spine.

"I'm already dead."

She grabbed my forearm roughly, throwing me across the room. For a fraction of a second, I felt as though I was flying, the cold air whipping around my body, the grey room blurring together and then I hit the wall. I heard a snap unlike any I had before; I felt the warm, viscous liquid spurt from my mouth, spraying down the front of my olive shirt staining it crimson and then all that was left was pain. I heard a growl from the other side of the room as I continued to splutter blood, my body shaking uncontrollably. This was it. This was the end.

Goodbye Edward, my love.

My eyes stared straight above me at the decrepit concrete ceiling; I could still feel my warm blood flowing from my mouth, down my chin to my neck. I blinked once and she was there, her eyes were wild. A small smile formed on my face, as I knew the pain would be over soon, it would all be over soon. She bared her teeth launching herself at my neck. At first, the pain was overwhelming as she pierced my tender skin but as she began to drink, draining my body of blood a feeling of calm descended upon me. The pain was beginning to numb and the darkness was surrounding me. I was happy then, in my final moments of life. The darkness was pulling me under and I did nothing to stop it, the end was more peaceful than I could have imagined.

There were noises around me disrupting my silence, the sound of growls and then I swear I heard his voice but it was just my mind playing tricks on me, giving me my final wish.

"BELLA!"

Then there was fire. The peace and calm I had just been enveloped in evaporated and all that was left were screams.


	14. Endings and New Beginnings

**Disclaimer: I am not SM, I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.**

_AN: Oh, what a terrible person I am to make you all wait such a long time for this! Again, life seemed to get in the way but here it is. I worked hard and am very pleased with the way it's turned out. This is the final instalment and I hope you have all enjoyed it so far._

_For one last time I would like to thank all of you who left me a review, you made this story worthwhile and without your kind words I probably wouldn't have got this far._

_I hope it was worth the wait._

**14. Endings and New Beginnings.**

"Oh god there's so much blood." Alice.

"I can't… there's too much." Jasper.

"Carlisle, help her!" Edward, oh my sweet wonderful Edward.

"I don't think… son there isn't anything I can do." Carlisle.

Growl.

Snarl.

Rip.

Why wouldn't the screaming stop, why wouldn't someone put out the fire?

"You have to." He sounded so broken; I ached for him to make this stop.

"Please…" The words were ground out, the effort behind them far too great to fathom.

The fire was engulfing me in its flames; my body was convulsing and squirming. I felt a sliver of ice touch my forehead, it did nothing to quell the flames and there was another ear-splitting scream.

"Bella, god Bella, I'm so sorry. I could suck out the venom?"

"It's too far spread and she has little blood left, she wouldn't survive it. I'm sorry, Edward."

The screaming seemed to get louder and louder, piercing through my very existence, deafening me with its shrill siren. The fire was too much, the pain much greater than anything I could have ever imagined. Back in that ballet studio in Phoenix, when James had bit me, I had seen a glimpse of this torture, it was pleasure compared with this pain.

"Shh, Bella, shh, I know I hurt's, I know you don't think you can bare it but you are so strong, I know you can do this."

My throat was raw as I tried to answer, words would not come, that's when the realisation dawned on me, I was the one who was screaming. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, the shattering sound stopped, replaced by feeble moans and gasps. I drew all the strength I could muster, forcing my eyes open. The world was out of focus but I knew the face in front of me was his. Pale, smooth skin, dark soulful eyes. He looked more beautiful now than he ever had.

"Edward." I tried to force a smile onto my face but my mouth seemed incapable of such a thing.

"I'm here." I felt his cold fingers take my hand into his, the hand which only moments ago had been broken.

I choked back another scream, as the fire blazed more fiercely inside of me. A distant memory of a long ago conversation coming to the front of my mind. _Three days_. That's how long it would take for me to change. Three day's of burning agony. White-hot heat. Three days. I couldn't… couldn't take it.

"I can't." I felt hot tears of defeat slide down my cheek, burning the skin it came into contact with.

"Bella. You can. Look at me," He tilted my head to an angle where I could look directly into his eyes. "You can do this. I promise you." He smiled at me reassuringly but the pain was too deep it was impossible to mask.

My body shuddered and jerked, reality blurring into a swirl of colour, then the screaming began this time I was painfully aware as it ripped from my tender throat. I gave up on keeping my eyes open the effort was too great and the pain too distracting. I couldn't concentrate on anything, could barely even breathe.

"We have to move her."

"I'll do it."

I felt Edward's strong arms take me in his embrace, holding me tightly to his chest and then we were running. Cool air whipped around us and for a moment, my mind cleared just enough to speak.

"Forever." I said.

That one word rattled around in my head for the longest time after I had spoke it, I knew I was at the Cullen's despite not having been there in over three years, it smelt exactly the same as I remembered. From the softness underneath my body, I had deduced that I was on a bed. When had they got a bed? Soft voices spoke every now and then; footsteps came and went but his hand never left mine, not once.

The fire continued to char me, eating away at everything I was, turning me into something I had once wanted so desperately. At times, I could quiet the screams and moans long enough to sooth my shredded gullet but others I couldn't hold back my agony and I would thrash and squirm and shriek. Edward would hush me with his velvet voice, his icy hands bringing little comfort as I burned in hell for what felt like an eternity.

I don't know when I began to notice the humming. The soft and gentle lullaby he had composed for me when I was seventeen, I could hear it now clearer than I had ever heard anything before. His voice as smooth and sensual as it had once been so much more now, so much sweeter to my ears. He was close enough that I could feel his lips moving on my cheek, as he hummed and hummed and hummed, never faltering, it was as though it had been put on a loop, every time it would come to an end he would start straight back up again without missing a note.

"Edward, you have to eat," I could hear the concern in Esme's voice as she walked to her son's side. "I'll sit with her, if you'd like."

"No, I'm not leaving her."

The humming stopped and with it so did the control I had previously had, I hadn't noticed my lack of movement, my mind too preoccupied with the beauty of his voice. Now that I no longer had that focus, the fire seemed to rage even higher than before. Convulsions shook me so hard it was a wonder my bones didn't shatter from the force, I didn't scream, I didn't think my throat was capable of that anymore but my suffering was very much vocalised in other ways.

"Just leave." Edward's voice was cold and hard, there was nothing friendly about it and for a moment I couldn't help but pity Esme, all she wanted to do was help.

As soon as the door clicked closed, his humming commenced and slowly my body begin to still, his voice was a sedative, a drug. I had never been so grateful for anything in my entire life.

I don't know when the fire began to recede. Slowly oh so slowly, it was hardly noticeable at first. Just a toe at a time. The fire was being pulled from the corners of my body to the very centre, I became incredibly aware of every beat my heart made as the fire got hotter and hotter yet cooler elsewhere. It was as though my heart was drawing all the heat there just like a magnet would metal. My heart began to race faster and faster, the pain growing even more, it was excruciating.

I heard a soft knock before an angelic voice spoke the words I had been waiting to hear.

"It's almost over." My love for Alice grew with those three words.

My arms and legs no longer burned but my heart, oh god my heart was the fiery pit's of hell itself. It was the strangest sensation to feel such relief yet such dread at the same time. I knew that soon my heart would no longer beat and I would live an eternity without ever hearing this sound again. I listened intently as it got faster and faster, drawing every flame towards it, sacrificing itself for me, oh noble heart how I would miss you.

"This is it." Carlisle spoke, I hadn't even realised he was in the room

"Bella, love?"

The pain was so intense, so focussed I let out one last shout of agony, as the fire burned itself out. My heart fluttered uncontrollably, erratically beating for the last time. Faster and faster and faster until with one loud thump it stopped.

The pain was gone now and it was all I could think of. It felt so strange not to be hurting anymore. I could hear every breath in the room. They were all here waiting. A part of me was too terrified to move, I wanted to lie here unmoving just like this. Who would I be when I opened my eyes? Would I still be Bella Swan?

Slowly I opened my eyes to clarity unknown to me. The colours were so sharp and focused, the light so bright. I saw seven faces, perfect in every way possible, smoother than humanly possible, much more beautiful than my human eyes had been able to see. My eyes settled on Edward and for the first time in what felt like an eternity a small smile crept onto my face.

"I told you, you could do it." He smiled at me and I was dazzled by him just as I had been as a human.

I reached out a hand far too pale even for me, slowly reaching for the smooth skin of his cheek. My fingers brushed across warm, smooth flesh. I gasped in shock expecting the familiarity of icy marble. We were the same temperature now, both of us stone statues set in time. My eyes widened as I felt an electric jolt go through me, the love I felt for him was absolute and this surprised me greatly.

"Bella?" His voice was careful, as he studied my face.

I could feel the tension in the room, all seven of them on edge, waiting for me to do something. God only knew how Jasper must have been feeling right now. I looked around me noticing for the first time, Rosalie, Esme, Emmett and Carlisle; I hadn't seen any of them since they had left Forks three years ago. Alice stood just behind Jasper, a huge smile on her flawless face.

"Edward?" My voice was high and musical, soft and smooth; it was much too pretty to be my voice.

I could feel my brow wrinkle in confusion, I was still so disorientated, I felt jet lagged or something.

"Yes, love?"

"Am I… am I a vampire?"

He smiled my favourite crooked smile, the one that turned my legs to jelly and my mind to mush. His long fingers reached out to touch my face; his feather like touch brought with it so much emotion I didn't know I was capable of. Want. Love. Content. Happiness.

"That would be correct."

"Victoria?"

"She's been dealt with."

"Charlie?"

He paused, exchanging a quick glance with Carlisle before returning his gaze to me. His eyes were filled with so much pain that I almost knew what was coming.

"I'm sorry, Bella. He thinks you're dead. It was the only way."

Anguish overcame me, I let out a loud and broken sob, realising with much frustration that no tears were falling, that no tears would ever fall again. I stood quickly; my speed shocked me even more so than anything else I had already discovered.

Everyone except Edward and Alice took a step backwards, crouching defensively. They saw me as a threat, I laughed aloud at the sheer absurdity of that notion. This was all so surreal.

"What did you tell him?" I asked softly, my eyes glued to Edwards.

"He already knew something was wrong when he got home, Victoria and her _friend_ made quite a mess. After we got you back here, Emmett and Jasper set things up, made a trail that led to the place Victoria had kept you. We made it look like you had been inside when it burnt to the ground; of course there would be no body."

"How is he? How's Renée?"

"Understandably upset, it's necessary, Bella. You understand?"

I nodded vacantly. I had made a promise to myself that I would make more of an effort with my parents after having shut them out for so long and now I no longer had the chance, I had wasted three years with them and for that I would be regretful for all eternity.

"I know it's hard, everyone here understands what you're going through but it gets easier."

I closed my eyes, letting out a long unnecessary breath. The back of my throat burned, ached, thirsted. Thirsted for blood. I opened my eyes slowly to see seven set's of eyes staring at me curiously.

"I, uh, I'm thirsty." I said meekly, a little embarrassed by this unfamiliar need.

"Of course," Carlisle spoke for the first time, taking a step forward so that he was in front of the others. "I must say, Bella, you are much calmer than I would have thought possible. Newborn's are… unpredictable and lack such control."

"I guess I expected it to be this way? Because I knew?" I offered, unsure of myself.

I felt like me, my own thoughts, my own self. There were just a few new things added to the whole 'Bella package' so to speak.

"Perhaps. Never the less, you must eat. Edward, would you like to show her?"

"Of course." He nodded, walking slowly to my side.

I smiled and reached out once more to his face. I was so in awe of his beauty, my human eyes had done him a great injustice.

"Are you ready, love?"

For the first time I noticed I was no longer in my bloodstained clothing, someone must have changed me while I was burning although I couldn't remember this at all. I flinched at the vivid memory of the flames consuming my body.

"Who dressed me?"

"I did of course." Alice chimed from her spot next Jasper, her grin had grown dramatically in size.

"Hm, that would explain the cleavage."

Everyone chuckled then and the heavy weight in the room seemed to lift slightly, myself along with them until the burn in my throat could no longer be ignored.

"Shall we go then?" I asked Edward who nodded before taking my hand and leading me downstairs.

I walked gracefully, my hand clutching his, towards the front door. It was snowing outside and my new super eyes could make out every intricate detail on every individual flake. I stared mesmerised as the white fleck's drifted slowly towards the ground, blanketing it loosely

"I never realised there was so much to see." I said in my new and improved voice.

"There is much human's aren't aware of." He replied with a small smile.

"Hm." I pondered that thought briefly until; again, my thirst was pushed to the front of my mind. "Where will we go?" I asked softly, daunted by the prospect of hunting.

"Just follow me. Are you ready to run?" He grinned, taking in my expression before he took off towards the woods at vampire speed.

I stared after him, not sure that I could possibly run that fast. I debated calling out to him, to ask him to stop but withheld myself, I could do this. After all, I was a vampire now, wasn't I?

I began to run, my legs moving fluidly beneath me, carrying me just as Edward's had him. It took me mere seconds before I caught up with him; despite my speed, I saw each and every detail on each and every tree. Every line on every leaf, every grain on every tree. I remembered back to the first time Edward had run with me, the memory was faint and far away but I could still recall the nausea it had caused. Now I felt free, I felt happy, like this was exactly what I had been born to do, to run.

I over took him with ease, revelling in the feel of the wind on my face, basking in the many fragrant things my nostrils were picking up. I slowed when I reached a small stream, stopping to gaze in wonder as the light hit the clear water causing it to sparkle and shine with so many colours and textures. Edward stopped just beside me, watching me with another of his crooked smiles clearly amused at my behaviour.

In all honestly I felt like a child, seeing everything for the first time, and in a way, I was. I was just a child now, a newborn in the world of vampires. I felt his palm rest on the small of my back as he leaned in close to me, whispering softly into my ear.

"I told you vampires were easily distracted."

I smiled at this before I tore my eyes from the beauty of the stream. It was a bit ridiculous just how _easy _it was to distract me and yet again my thirst made itself known.

"I really am very thirsty." I told him.

"As expected. Alright, follow me," He smiled again before continuing. "No overtaking."

He led me deeper into the forest. I began to smell something which vaguely resembled food which only caused by thirst to grow even more. He stopped, pulling me to a crouch beside him; he spoke so softly, had I not been a vampire I wouldn't have heard him at all, not even within out close proximity.

"Hunting will come naturally, don't think just do but remember be very quiet."

I nodded in response locking onto the animals scent. I stalked my prey carefully, my feet treading so carefully it was as though they weren't touching the ground at all. As soon as I had a visual I realised what the scent belonged to. It was a large brown deer, she was so beautiful. The doe's attention was elsewhere as she grazed peacefully, I could hear the steady drum of her heart and something in me clicked. The animal within me took over and I pounced, sinking my sharp teeth into the soft flesh of her neck. She struggled briefly but I was far too strong for her. She fell and I quickly drained her, her warm blood immediately dulled the steady ache in my throat.

Edward appeared beside me a look of admiration and love on his perfect features.

"You're a natural." He praised.

"That wasn't as bad as I thought," I told him honestly. "I half expected to faint or throw up." I grinned fully aware that vampires were capable of neither.

"Are you still thirsty?"

I took a fraction of a second to think this over. The burning in my throat was still there but it was barely noticeable now, I could ignore it.

I shook my head.

"Would you like to eat? Your eyes are black"

"I think I will, thank you."

He caught a deer of his own, draining her quicker and far more gracefully than I had. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before returning to my side.

"What would you like to do now, Bella?"

"Can we go to the meadow?" I felt an over whelming need to see it again, to make sure it was still there.

"Of course."

He took my hand in his own and we began to run side by side through thick trees, over the mossy earth. It didn't take us long at all until we arrived at the small clearing. It seemed even more beautiful now, with white capped trees and a blanket of snow. Flakes were still falling from the sky making it even prettier. It reminded me of a snow globe, a huge, real life snow globe.

I walked slowly to the centre, my face pointed towards the white sky, letting the cold flakes flutter onto my face, where they stuck to my eyelashes. It seemed more appealing now, for some reason than it had when I was human. _When I was human. _It seemed like years rather than just a few short days, it had only been hours since my heart had stopped beating.

I took a deep breath inhaling the scent of pine and timber then I turned suddenly to face him remembering the conversation we had the first time he bought me here. His hair was covered in white; his face seemed paler than usual amidst all the white.

"_I would rather die than stay away from you."_

And die I had, here we stood in this very same meadow we had so long ago, a lifetime ago… he looked the exact same, nothing about him had changed in the slightest but I, well I had died. I was no longer the girl he had fallen in love with.

"_The thought of you still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again… it would be unendurable."_

All of those things had come true. I was white and I was cold, I would never blush again. I would never cry or dream… everything he had loved about me was gone.

"Bella, what's wrong?" His brow creased with worry as he brushed a stray hair from my face.

"Is this unendurable?" I asked. I felt broken inside.

"What?" He asked in confusion.

"Me, the way I am now. You told me it would be unendurable."

Realisation dawned on him and he looked as broken as I felt.

"No, Bella. You misunderstood me. I didn't mean as a vampire, I meant dead. To never see you laugh or smile, I meant if I were ever to _hurt _you."

"But you won't ever see me blush. You won't ever watch me sleep again." I challenged.

"But I have you forever, what more could I possibly want?" He smiled, brushing his thumb softly over my cheek.

I bit my lip, staring deep into his light eyes, I didn't see regret or sadness just his love for me and a great happiness.

I leaned forward my eyes glued to his as I slowly closed the distance between us, my lips parted slightly as they met his. As soon as we touched, it was as though the world had cessed to exist. The meadow melted away around us, my entire focus was on him, on the feel of his lips against mine. I leaned into him, pressing my body firmly into him; he deepened the kiss almost instantly, his tongue seeking entrance into my mouth. I gave in willingly sighing contentedly at this new wondrous feeling. This is the way I always wished Edward would kiss me, now that it was happening I felt so desperately overwhelmed. My fingers ran through his soft bronze locks as his hands roamed freely over my body, sending little tingles up and down my spine.

I pulled away after what felt like an eternity gasping, even though air was no longer needed. My eyes were wide, as I stared longingly at the man I would spend the rest of eternity with. The man who, although I never thought it possible, I had just fallen even more in love with.

"Are you alright?"

I smiled, giving a small nod in response.

"Let's just stay here for a little while."

I took his hand pulling him carefully to the ground with me. We lay side by side, our eyes locked as the snow fell all around us, encasing us in our own little world of wonder. Our intertwined fingers were all that touched but somehow this was enough for now, we had all the time in the world to explore each other fully.

"I love you Edward Cullen." I whispered gently.

"And I you, Isabella. Forever and Forever and Forever."


End file.
